When She Smiles
by laurluh
Summary: Bella and Jacob have been best friends since childhood. What happens when certain events tear them away? Will their friendship be able to last or will it dissolve into ashes?
1. New Beginnings

**Author Notes:** Hey guys! This idea kind of came to me on a whim and I fell in love with it so decided to put it into action. This story is rated M for language and some tame lemons. Really this story is T, but I gave it an M rating just to be safe! As always, the characters in this fic are © to Stephenie Meyer and I do not own them. All OC are of my own creation and no copywrite infringement is intended.

_**Jacob's POV – Seven years old**_

I sat on the closed toilet seat and watched Dad shave the dark scruff from his neck. Mom was in the kitchen with my twin sisters Rebecca and Rachel making breakfast. I was really glad for that because Mom is the only person in the world who knows how to make my eggs _just_ the way I like them.

"Dad?" I managed, spinning the roll of toilet paper off the roll until it was almost done, then reversed it back.

"What son?" He asked without taking his eyes off the mirror.

My legs kicked on the toilet seat, wondering when breakfast was going to be ready. "Why do you put toilet paper on your face when you cut yourself?" Hey, I was getting ready to be a man and a man needed to know these things. Dad chuckled and rinsed his razor then looked at me.

"It's so if I bleed, the blood will clot onto the paper."

"Oh." I nodded my head as Mom called my Dad and I down to the table. "YES! Chow time!" I exclaimed and hurried out the door and into the kitchen in a second flat. There were advantages to having a small house. I plopped down just as Mom put a plate of eggs-just-the-way-I-like-them and bacon in front of me.

"Thanks Ma." I beamed up at her as Dad entered the room and took a seat at the head of the table. Mom came over and put a plate in front of him. They whispered something I couldn't hear in Quileute that I couldn't understand and kissed each other's cheeks, like they did _every_ morning. I shoved a forkful of eggs into my mouth.

"What are you doing today Billy?" She asked, sitting down herself.

He took a swallow of his coffee and winced from the heat. I chuckled – his expression always makes me laugh when he did that. "I'm going down to Charlie's place to help him move some stuff around for his daughter coming to visit." Dad looked at me then. "Isabella is about your age, Jake. Maybe I can bring her to the reservation and you two can play."

"Ohhb we've always wanted a little sister!" Rebecca sighed and Rachel nodded her agreement.

Mom smiled. "That would be a wonderful idea."

_Was I the only one who thought this idea was totally lame?_ "But she's a girl!" I frowned. "Girls are gross and have cooties. Embry thinks so too." I insisted. Dad looked at me with one of those Dad looks that meant I was going to do what I was told or I'd be in trouble.

I shoved another bite of eggs into my mouth before I got into more trouble.

- - - -

I scuffed the ground with my shoe and waited for Charlie to come with Isabella even though I didn't want to see her. Didn't they realize that girls were gross? All they do is cry and whine! No way am I going to play with any dolls or play house. If she wants to do that stuff then she can go to my sisters.

"Hey Jake!" My best friend Embry appeared from an opening in the woods near my house.

I smiled and came over to him. Maybe he could rescue me. "Hi Em…wanna go down the tide rocks?"

"Nah I can't. My grandma's coming over to visit and I got to stay around the house while Mom works. I came over 'cause my mom needs some sugar for a cake."

_Darnit._ "Uh…okay, we can go ask my mom." I nodded and he followed me back to the house. I thrust open the door. "Mooom! Embry's mom needs sugar!"

She came to the front with another one of _those_ looks. I wondered why it was always me getting them and not my sisters. "Of course Embry." She left and came back with the plastic tub we kept sugar in. "Tell her to help herself."

Embry grinned at her like always. "Thank you m'am!" I followed him out and saw Charlie Swan's car pull up on the dirt driveway. I examined the back seat and saw Bella's head peeking out the window. I sighed to myself and thought about running into the woods where no one could find me. I'd live off of berries and only come back to take a bath and listen to Dad's bedtime stories.

Before I could escape, my Dad came over with Charlie. "Jacob, this is Bella – Charlie's daughter."

- - - -

_**Bella's POV – Seven years old**_

Daddy was in the front yard putting things in the back of his police car so we could go down to the reservation. He told me that his friend had a boy my age and we could play. I told him that girls didn't play with boys because they're gross. I was being serious and didn't know why he was laughing.

Mommy couldn't take care of me any more. I know that's why I am coming to live in Forks. Mom doesn't like living with Dad anymore and they fight all the time. I lived with her for a while and we didn't have much to eat or any toys. One time I was bored and asked her to play with me but she was too sleepy. I stopped asking after that.

"Come on Bells. We're going to be late!" He smiled at me and put his hand on my shoulder to walk me to the car. I climbed in the backseat and he helped me put on the seatbelt. It pressed me in against the seat and made me feel tight and safe. "Jacob is a nice boy. You'll like playing with him."

He sat in the driver's seat. Daddy's car had the gate on the seats so the bad guys couldn't hurt him. "Daddy? Is this what it feels like to be a convent?" I asked curiously.

"A what?" He frowned.

"You know, a bad person!"

His laugh was really big and filled the whole car. "A convict, Bells."

"Yeah." I nodded and pushed the hair out of my eyes. "That." We drove for hours and hours (Daddy said it wasn't that long but I don't believe him), and finally we stopped in front of a really small house that reminded me of Hansel and Gretel. Daddy's friend Billy came over and shook Daddy's hand and opened the door for me, smiling big.

"Bella! My goodness, you're getting so big!" He was big and tall and his face was worn like cherry fruit leather. I smiled shyly and he brought a boy who looked a lot like him over. "Jacob, this is Bella – Charlie's daughter."

He looked just as not happy to see me as I felt to see him. Billy seemed like he notice when I looked up at him nervously. "Uh, let's go on in and you can meet the rest of the family." He took my hand and walked me up the stairs. I turned around to make sure Daddy was coming and he was. "Sarah! The Swans are here!"

A pretty lady with dark hair and eyes came through the door and wiped her hands on her brown apron. Her smile was wide like Billy's and I thought that Jacob's would look like that when he smiled. She came over and pulled me into a hug. "Hello Bella! I'm so happy you came over to see us. Jacob is going to be so happy to have a new friend to play with!"

I was stiff at first because Daddy doesn't like to hug that much. She smelled like wood and flowers and something I couldn't think of but I knew I liked it. I closed my eyes and breathed her in, thinking of Mama and wondering if she would like Sarah. I think she would.

"Thank you." I said in a soft voice when she let me go.

There was a thumping from behind her and two girls came in. My eyes widened in shock since they looked just like the other. I thought it would be funny if they got mixed up sometimes. "Hi Bella! I'm Rachel and this is Rebecca!"

"Hi." I smiled again.

Daddy ruffled my hair. "Bella has been dying to get out in the water. We brought her a spare change of clothes and some sand toys."

_Way to go Daddy!_ I inwardly smiled and wiggled in excitement. I'd never seen the water before and I wanted to make the biggest sand castle in the world. I looked at Billy and Sarah hopefully but I knew they would say yes by the looks on their faces.

"Sounds like fun! We should all go – it's a beautiful day. Warmer than it has been in days. Did you bring the sunshine with you, Bella?" Billy pinched my cheek but not hard like grandmothers and aunts do, it was a nice and soft way and I didn't mind that he did it.

I just smiled, liking the idea that the sun would follow me wherever I went.


	2. Sandcastles and Smiles

Thank you so much for the awesome replies and reaction to this story – it means a bunch to me! I am so excited to see where this goes and I can't seem to stop writing. Thank you again for your favoriting and reviewing this!

**Jacob – Seven years old**

I loved going to the beach with my Dad. He always knew cool stories about everything that I looked at. My favorite stories are the ones about Wolf and the Raven 'cause Raven likes to get into trouble like I do. The one I don't like is the story about Dask'iya…the ogre woman that puts kids into her big basket to eat them. Well, I didn't like it before I knew the ending.

Dask'iya took the kids up the creek and put gum in their eyes so they couldn't see. One girl was smart and put her hands by the fire to warm them up so the gum would melt and then she saw the ogre dancing…I think it's because she was so excited to eat dinner even if it's little kids. Anyway the girl pushed her into the fire and she burned…no more kids were eaten after that. Maybe I'll tell Bella about that story except I'm gonna leave the part out where Dask'iya is pushed into the fire. I'd like to see her get really, really scared.

I came over to her when she was piling sand into a bucket. "Hey, wanna know a scary story?" I asked.

She shrugged. "I guess so. But if it isn't scary you have to help me make a sandcastle."

I thought for a moment and nodded, knowing I'd win. She was a girl and girls are scared of ogres, right? I sat down next to her. "This is a real story from my great granddad – he was the Chief and knew everything that went on around the reservation. There's a lady around the woods and she has a huge basket and she puts kids in there and eats them." I whispered. I tried to make it sound like the way my Dad told it to me since he's a really good storyteller. "There's a house in the woods with a big campfire and that's where the kids get roasted."

Bella rolled her eyes and looked at me with the 'I-don't-believe-a-word-of-this' look that I got a lot from Mom when I was…stretching the truth. She didn't say anything and went back to piling the sand back into the bucket and turning it over, smiling wide when the sides were smooth with packed sand.

"Don't you think that story is scary?" I asked, a little annoyed.

She shook her head, not looking at me and that annoyed me more. "No." She finally said. "I know that isn't true."

"How do _you_ know? You've never lived here!"

She patted another lump of sand and that made me so mad that I wanted to kick it over. I think I would have if my Dad and Charlie weren't looking right at us. "Because Daddy is a policeman and if kids were not home for dinner they would call him and he'd find them. Duh." She looked at me. "So I wasn't scared and you are digging the moat around the castle." She stood up and held a bright pink shovel in my face. I scoffed…boys didn't use pink shovels! Who did she think I was?!

There was no way I was gonna let her boss me around so I crossed my arms and tried to look like my Dad. "_I'll_ make the dribble castles."

She looked really confused and that made me happy.

"What's a dribble castle?"

I walked over and snatched her bucket and filled it up with the squishy sand and some water, then came back. I sat on my feet and got a handful of the wet sand then let my hand drip down until the dots of sand made a castle. "Like that." It felt good showing her that I was smarter than her in sandcastle building.

Bella's eyes widened and she sat next to me, grabbing some sand. She tried to do it but it didn't look as good as mine. I took another handful and grinned. I raised my hand slowly then slung the wet sand at her. It hit her arm with a loud slap and she gasped. I was expecting her to start crying like the other girls at school did, but she didn't. I was really surprised when she threw more wet sand back at me!

She definitely wasn't like a girl I'd seen before.

"Want to explore?" She asked and climbed away from the castle. I blinked at her – didn't she remember I threw wet sand at her? She didn't wait for me to answer and started walking towards the woods. I looked over at the grown-ups and they weren't looking at us. I knew I should have asked but she was walking really fast and I didn't want her to get lost so I took off running behind her. She was stomping through the rocks and leaves…her shoes sounded like she was walking on spilled popcorn.

"Were are you going?" I asked and finally caught up to her.

She shrugged her shoulders. "I dunno, maybe we can find something cool like a wolf or something?"

"Don't be a dummy, wolves aren't around these areas." I puffed my chest out. "They're not that stupid to be around people. They are fast and are very smart. Do you think they would come out of the bushes and stuff when they heard humans talking around them? No. Not unless they were hungry. Then they might eat you."

The scared expression on her face made me happier. That was the face I was hoping she'd make when I told her about Dask'iya. We were walking for a long time when she started looking weird and not like herself. She crossed her arms when I looked at her. "What?" I asked.

"I'm cold. We should go back."

My stomach growled and I nodded. "Yeah, okay. Let's go." I turned around and paused. I didn't recognize anything around me. I'd never been this far into the woods before…I was told to stay around the house and I was only allowed to go farther if Mom or Dad was with me. _Uh oh_.

Bella's mouth started to shake and I could hear the clacking of her teeth…it kind of annoyed me. "Do you know where to go?" She asked me.

"Yeah!" I said in a loud voice. I hoped it made me sound braver than I really felt inside. On the inside my stomach was twisting and flopping around and it wasn't because I was hungry anymore – it was because I thought we were lost. "It's this way." I pointed and began walking, Bella followed me. I looked around and hoped for something that looked familiar but there wasn't anything. I could tell through the trees that it was getting dark.

"We're lost!" Bella cried and sat down on a log that fell on its side. She put her hands on her eyes and started to cry. I stood there and didn't know what to do. When Rachel and Rebecca were crying it was always funny but this time I didn't feel like laughing.

"We're not lost." I insisted, trying to find a different way to find home.

She didn't move her hands from her eyes and was making this weird gulping noise at the air. "It's my fault! It's always my fault all of it is!"

My eyes widened in shock. If I wasn't scared before, now I was _really_ scared. I'm alone in the woods with a crazy person! No, a crazy _girl_! That's even worse! I was tempted to try and call Q'wati (he created the Quileute tribe) for help but I didn't think it would work. "What are you talking about? I shoulda stopped you."

"Everything is my fault! Mom doesn't like to smile anymore and Daddy doesn't love her! They're living in two houses now and we're lost and gonna be eaten by a wolf and that's my fault too! All of my friends are gone and there's no one to play with or do anything and Daddy's always gone at work and the baby-sitter isn't that nice because she's old and likes to play cards on the computer all day! It's my fault they're sad!"

I stared at her with my mouth open. She reminded me of a popper I got on New Year's Eve. I pulled a string and the popper smoked and shot a whole bunch of confetti blew out. Mom yelled for fifteen minutes from all the paper confetti on the floor. I didn't know what to do with her…I was a man! Men don't deal with this stuff about emotions and crying. I came over to her anyway and sat next to her.

"It's not your fault." I'd heard Dad say that to Mom when Grandma died and it seemed to help her so I thought to use it. I put my arm on her shoulder and patted it awkwardly. _What am I going to do now? I'm in the woods and it's getting dark with a sobbing, cold, girl._ I suddenly stopped. _I lost Bella! Her Dad is Charlie and he's an officer of the __**law**__. What if I go to jail? I didn't mean to take her! Oh no he's going to be so mad! _

Leaves crunched on the side of us and my heart pumped harder. I sat up and looked around, thinking I was going to see the face of my Dad and Charlie at any second. I finally saw some eyes but they weren't Dad or Charlie's…I was looking at a wolf. My body tensed and I gripped Bella's shoulder.

"What?" She asked and then gasped. I think she saw the wolf then too, I heard her whimpering.

The wolf came over slowly and looked at us with a weird expression, like his eyes were human. His nose cocked to the side and he began to walk forward and it seemed like he wanted us to follow him. He wasn't going to hurt me, right? If he was hungry or something he would have eaten us already. I took Bella's hand and stood, walking the path the wolf was taking me.

"What are you doing?!" Bella held my hand tight and tried to pull me back but I didn't let her.

"We have to follow him – he's going to help us find our way home." I insisted and drug her along. The wolf was silent as it walked through the forest. I couldn't help thinking that it was going to turn around and make us his dinner. My heart continued to pound hard against my chest until the wolf looked back at us where there was an opening in the trees. I looked around and realized that I knew where we were. The wolf's eyes stared hard at me and huffed once then ran off. I think he was giving me a little talking to.

"Come on, I know where we are now." I nodded and pulled Bella's hand and began to run. The rest of the way was really easy because I explored around this area all the time. Soon we were at the porch and I was screaming Mom's name. She came running out and snatched me and Bella in her arms.

"Oh thank goodness! My little _Qahla_, you're safe!" She started to cry into my hair.

Bella was still only in her bathing suit and was shaking still. "Where's my Daddy?" She asked softly.

"He's with Billy looking for you two. Let's go inside and get you warm and we'll call them." She walked us inside and put Bella on the couch with a blanket then she turned to me. When I saw the look on her face I felt very small and scared. "What were you thinking running off by yourselves like that?" She called loudly. "We were worried sick and you didn't say a word! You could have been hurt or died!"

"I'm sorry Mom." I said softly and decided the wooden floor was suddenly very interesting.

"It was my fault." Bella said from the couch. "I got up to explore like in the movies and Jacob followed me. It was an accident and I'm really really sorry!" She started to cry…again. I sighed, getting annoyed but my Mom went over and hugged her.

"We're just happy you're safe and we were very scared. This area isn't a place to run around and play without a grown-up okay?" Mom reached over and dialed a number as Bella nodded. "They're here." Mom said. "Yeah they're at the house. Okay. See you then." Mom put the phone down and I came over to sit next to her and hoped I was forgiven too. She put her arm around me and I smiled, burying into her side and breathing her in. I love her smell and the way I can fit next to her like a puzzle piece.

We sat and watched the fire going in the fire place when the door burst open. "Bella?!"

"Daddy!" Bella cried and he picked her up and hugged her tight. "Are you okay? Were you hurt?"

I looked at the couch guiltily and Mom squeezed my shoulders. "These two decided to go on an exploration that got out of hand."

Charlie nodded. "We're going to have a talk in the car, it's getting late. Thanks for having us over, Charlie."

"I'll walk you out." Dad looked at me and then followed Charlie out.

Mom looked down at me. "Time for bed Jacob. Get your pajamas on."

I decided tonight wasn't going to be a good night to try and stay up later. I trudged to my room and put my pajamas on and climbed into bed, thinking about the wolf that helped us get home. The eyes wouldn't leave my head and I knew they were burned into my head forever and ever. The door opened and Dad was standing in the entry with his head almost touching the top.

"You scared us, son." He said and sat on my bed.

I felt really guilty and sad that I made Dad and Mom and Charlie worry. "I'm sorry Dad. I'll never ever do it again I promise."

He smiled at me and patted my hair. "I know son. Good night."

"Dad" I asked.

He looked at me expectantly.

"When Bella and I were in the woods a wolf came over to us and it didn't hurt us." I wanted to tell Dad that the stories were true, in case that he didn't know. "He looked at me like he was a person and not an animal. He started walking and I got a feeling that I should follow him. So I did and he walked me and Bella to the part of the woods that I knew by the house then he just walked away."

Dad smiled at me and it looked like he knew exactly what I was talking about. "Huh…that's funny, isn't it son?"

I nodded hard. "Really interesting. I don't know what happened. It was like he knew Dad."

He put a hand on my chest and patted it, still having a smile on his face and his eyes looked like the stars in the sky. "Some things we just can't explain Jake. It's the legends that keep our culture alive. We live together in harmony, remember?"

I nodded again.

"Good…get some sleep, you had a long day." He kissed my forehead. "Night son."

"Night Dad." I rolled over and closed my eyes and knew the wolf's eyes would be watching me all night.


	3. Heart of Loss

Thank you for the repeated comments and reviews, I really appreciate all of you taking the time to write to me. I hope you continue to enjoy reading this story as I have been writing it. Thank you for being so patient between updates! Enjoy! As always, I do not own Twilight. All characters are © to Stephenie Meyer.

- - - -

**Jacob's POV – Eleven years old**

"Now you know all the numbers on the fridge and the girls are in charge Jacob." Mom said firmly and I rolled my eyes, not bothering to look up from my video game. Hey, I was only four levels away from beating it and I wasn't going to let the idea of my sisters bossing me around ruin it.

"Jacob?" Mom's voice was warning.

"Yeah okay Ma," I sighed and still didn't look away from the screen. I heard her leave and I returned my attention fully to my game. The front door opened again and I heard Bella's feet thudding across the floor then she sat next to me on the worn couch.

"What's the score?"

"I passed the last level in the troublesome taverns." I said and I didn't look up – even for her. That's why Bella was a really cool girl to hang out with. Yeah, I'll admit that I hang out with her as much as I can since we don't go to the same school. We've been friends since we were little and we got lost on the woods. Some of my friends, especially Quil, make fun of me for always hanging out with Bella but she's okay. She doesn't mind getting dirty, having orange juice drinking contests, or who can hold off going to the bathroom the longest challenges (I'm still champion).

Bella snatched the controller away from me and rolled her eyes. "Oh you're doing it wrong – let me have it."

I sulked back into the couch and crossed my arms, watching her. She stuck out her tongue when she got to the hard part of the game. She didn't die right away, I was pretty impressed. Charlie came through the screen door and it made a loud whipping sound as it cracked back into place. I loved doing it over and over to annoy my sisters.

"Thanks for hanging on to Bella," Charlie told Dad.

Dad waved his hand. "It's fine. The girls were watching Jacob and Bella is no trouble at all."

Charlie looked over at me and smirked. "True…but the two of them together…"

I blushed and turned my eyes away from them, vowing to not get into _any_ trouble while they were gone. That was going to be hard. Especially with Bella cause she loves to make mischief – almost as much as me. Mom came back out of the room while she put on an earring and smiled at Charlie. "Thank you so much for inviting us, Charlie. We're pleased to take part in the ceremony."

Charlie looked down and I saw his cheeks turn pink. "Thank you Sarah, but it's really not a big deal."

"Like heck it isn't." Dad clapped Charlie on the back. "It's not everyday when you're promoted to the senior chief of the town at the ripe ole age of thirty five!" Dad's laugh boomed through the small house and I thought about the scene in Mary Poppins where everyone has to hang on to the paintings and furniture in the house. Mom smiled and batted Dad's hand away.

"Enough Billy you're scaring him." Her laugh reminded me of twinkling stars as she turned to Bella and I. "I don't want to hear any bad reports from the girls about tonight, got it? In bed no later than nine." She kissed me and Bella then Dad ruffled my hair and winked. Charlie hugged and kissed Bella then followed my parents out the door.

I had no idea where Rebecca and Rachel were, but it was around dinner time and I was starving. "I'm going to find my sisters." I told Bella and stood, roaming the house in search of them. I felt like a lone ranger, stuck in the house with nothing but girls. I wasn't sure I'd survive the night. I finally found them in the small room they shared, painting each other's toenails and reading some magazine with a teen boy singer on it.

I closed my eyes and hit my hand on the doorframe, signifying I was there. "Bella and I are hungry so you need to act like the adults and cook for us." I announced. I heard one of them snort, it was probably Rebecca, and then they went back to their conversation. Rolling my eyes, I went back into the living room and took Bella by the arm. I was going to have to take matters into my own hands.

"What are you going to do?" Bella's eyebrows crinkled with her question.

I got the cheese and bread from the fridge. "My sisters are being more annoying than usual so I'm going to make us dinner. Plug in the toaster." I instructed, tugging at the twisty tie at the top of the bread bag. I always hated those things, they always confused me. I shrugged and just tore open the bag from the bottom and got out four slices.

"Are you sure you know what you're doin'?" She asked. "I didn't know you knew how to cook."

I had to bite my tongue so I didn't say '_yeah, me either_' so I said what my Dad always told my mom. "'Course! What do you think I am, a fool?"

She didn't answer so I shoved the bread into the toaster and unwrapped four slices of cheese. When the bread was done I put a slice on each piece of bread then slapped two together and handed it to her. "Tada."

She turned her nose up at it. "That's not cooking – I could've done that!"

"Then go ahead – burn the house down or starve. Be my guest." I took a bite of my sandwich and even though it kind of itched my throat going down, it wasn't horrible. Going over to the fridge, I put back the cheese and got two cans of soda from it and put one by Bella and opening the other. Now, dinner was perfect.

"Thanks." Bella said and opened hers too then grinned at me. "Betcha I can burp louder than you."

I grinned back. "Oh dream on."

She raised the can to her mouth and took a huge gulp of soda that kind of shocked me. I don't think Dad could even drink soda like Bella could. She was quiet for a minute then opened her mouth and burped pretty loud. I felt my hair move like I was outside on a breezy day.

"Impressive." I nodded and took a long chug and burped so loud Bella had to take a step back. "But _that's_ how you burp."

Her face scrunched up. "Gross."

I beamed.

- - - -

"Okay you two get in bed." Rebecca and Rachel came into my room, interrupting the game Bella and I were having between the G.I. Joes, Power Rangers, and the couple Barbie dolls she'd brought over. I sighed and looked at them in annoyance. Why did sisters always have to ruin the fun when you were getting into a game? Bella didn't seem to care, probably because she didn't have to put up with them every day.

She got into bed and dug into her bag, pulling out a small book with a flower on the front. She bent over it and started to write. I had to watch her for a minute because she looked so much like a _girl_. It was kind of scary and I wasn't sure if I liked it. I always thought of Bella as a best friend, not a girl.

"What are you writing?" I asked.

She looked nervous and pulled it away so I couldn't read it. "It's a journal."

"Looks like a diary to me."

She glared at me. "It's not. Diaries are girly and I'm _not_ girly." She raised her fist like she was getting ready to punch me.

I retreated. "Okay okay. It's a journal, sheesh." I decided I'd better let her write alone so I wouldn't get punched. I walked into the bathroom and brushed my teeth and washed my face, then explored the crazy amount of stuff in the bathroom that belonged to Mom and my sisters. Sometimes I think all this stuff couldn't be good to put on your body every day, right? I mean sheesh…this scrub stuff is rough like sandpaper. Wouldn't that like, rip your face off like in _Silence of the Lambs_? You might think I'm too young to watch it but Dad thought it would be okay when Mom was out with her friends. I think he was getting her back for going out but I didn't mind – I'd wanted to see the movie for ages and I didn't even get scared. Okay I might have covered my eyes once, but it was creepy! I didn't want Bella to think I was being nice by giving her my room to write so I came back to her.

Bella was already in my bed with her journal slash diary on my windowsill. When she saw me she moved over and went into the bathroom to brush her teeth. I wondered if she was angry with me for peeking at the book and that's why she didn't come with me but she came back smiling and hopped into the bed.

I climbed into bed next to Bella and my sisters turned off the light. I stayed in bed and looked at the stars. Dad told me the story of the stars once and I always think about it when I see the sky. Wolf was walking through the forest and there was total darkness. I mean, complete black. He met other creatures and they wanted to know if they would be in darkness forever. Raven was the one who is always the one who got into trouble wanted to make up for it to Qwati. Since he was black, no one could see as he flew up and suddenly there were white dots all over the sky. Wolf could see the other animals and they were really happy. Raven messed up a couple days later but the stars stayed put when it got dark.

"Truth or Dare." I whispered in the dark

"Are you crazy? Rebecca and Rachel will be miffed if they hear us."

I know she saw me roll my eyes in the moonlight. "Come on, don't be a girl." I knew that would get her – she hated being called a girl. I felt her moving in bed and her head blocked my view of the window.

"Dare."

Man, this was good – she almost always said truth first. I scratched my head and tried to think of something good…_real_ good. "Okay. I dare you to go into my sister's room and take something from there. Then come back." Hey, that one was pretty good. I could tell it was good because Bella's face was really white.

"Okay." She slipped out of bed and disappeared out the door. I looked at the journal sitting on the window and to the door, wondering if she would be gone long enough for me to look and see what she was writing about. What if she thought I was a giant booger head and couldn't let me know in person? What other secrets would she put in there that I needed to know about? She wouldn't even know I opened it since there was no lock? What if it was voice-activated? I've seen that in a couple of spy movies at Quil's once. I decided I was wasting time and snatched the small book and read the first page I opened to.

_Dear Diary,_

_Today was a good day in school. We have to write about Robin Hood and all of the class were upset about it. I acted like I was too, but inside I was excited. It's cool to think about someone that steals from the rich to give to the poor. I wish I could do that to Jacob sometime…like I could take money from all the mansion homes and give it to him and his family. Jake isn't poor but I feel bad that he has to be in the room where Sarah and Billy's closet and dresser are. I think Jake would be a good Robin Hood and I could be Maid Marian. I love him diary…he's my best friend and I love him._

I wanted to read more but I heard her footsteps coming back so I tossed the journal back onto the windowsill and tried to look normal.

Bella came into the room with something behind her back. "That wasn't easy – why do you look all weird?"

"What do you mean?" I asked nervously. For some reason I got the feeling that she knew I'd peeked in her journal, just like how Mom knew when I'd stolen a few cookies before dinner. She told me it was written all over my face, and I wondered if it was like that now.

"I dunno, you just look different." She tossed a lump of fabric on the bed.

"What is this, a slingshot?" I looked at it curiously and picked it up.

Bella rolled her eyes for the millionth time at me and shook her head. "No, it's a bra!"

"Bra?!" I yelped and threw it across the room. It hit the back wall and made my soccer ball, football, and basketball went tumbling to the floor. "Gross! Out of everything you needed to get THAT?"

"That drawer was the closest one to the door." She snapped and went over to pick it up. "You don't need to be such a spaz!"

I climbed out of bed and stuffed the balls back into the mesh bag. "Yeah, yeah, well bras are gross because girls are gross." I stated then crawled back into bed. Bella stuffed the bra in a drawer of Mom's then got into bed next to me.

"Night Bella." I said softly.

"G'night Jake." She replied.

I turned back to the window and watched the stars until my eyelids got heavy and I couldn't see them anymore.

- - - -

"Jacob…Jacob wake up right now." I could hear Rebecca's voice in my ear and her hands shaking me awake. I didn't want to get up, I was warm and cozy in my bed with the large wool quilt on top of me. "Jacob now!" There was something different in her voice that I didn't recognize…like she'd been crying.

I opened my eyes and looked into her face and saw that she was crying. "What time is it?" I sat up and rubbed my eyes. I saw that Bella was still asleep next to me.

"About three in the morning listen," she said it all in a jumble and I needed to try hard to focus on what she was saying. "We need to go to the hospital – there was an accident, Mom and Dad are hurt. Harry Clearwater is coming down to get us, hurry up and get dressed." I saw her eyes fill with water again and for the first time in a long time I was scared.

"What's going on? Is this a mean joke 'cause Bella stole your bra last night? Because if it is then you win! It isn't funny!" I put on my jeans with shaking fingers.

"This isn't a joke Jacob. Get Bella up, we need to hurry." She walked out of the room quickly.

I sniffed and walked over to Bella, shaking her. "Bella you gotta wake up there was an accident with my parents and we need to go to the hospital." I couldn't believe I was saying those words. Wasn't it just a little while ago that we were laughing and not thinking about anything bad? Now that is the only thing I can think about.

She woke up and looked around. "What? Where's my Dad?"

I put on the first shirt I saw on the floor. "I dunno – I think he's at the hospital but we need to hurry and get ready. Harry Clearwater is comin' to pick us up."

I was happy when she didn't ask any more questions and just got dressed and followed me when I walked into the living room. Harry Clearwater was already there and looked at me. "Hey Jacob and Bella…let's get going." He was talking to both of us but he didn't have eyes for anyone but me. For some reason his eyes looked different than they did before, I recognized them from somewhere else.

The drive to the hospital was quiet and fast. Everyone was nervous and I didn't like the heavy feeling in my chest. I know it probably was bad of me to think about but I was mad at Charlie – why did he have to get that stupid promotion anyway? I started thinking about more bed things but then I realized Charlie was probably thinking the same things about himself so I stopped.

I sprinted out of the truck when we pulled up to the hospital. I hated the smell of these places – it was like it was clean and sick at the same time. The lights were bright and everywhere, there was no color to the place it was just white, white, and more white. It made me wonder if that's why people stay in these places for a long time…I think some colors would make them happy and want to leave.

I saw Charlie sitting in a chair with his head in his hands. Bella called out to him and ran over. He looked up and pulled her into his arms and I saw that he'd been crying. My stomach turned inside me and I didn't want to know anything else. I just wanted to see Mom and Dad. I wanted to know they were okay so I could go back to being a kid and not have all of these grown-up fears and worries. I didn't like it.

"What happened?" Rebecca and Rachel asked at almost the same time.

Charlie pulled himself away from Bella's hug and looked at them and me. "There was an accident. Your parents were coming home from the banquet and I was in the car behind them. There was a drunk driver that crossed the median and ran into the passenger side of the car." He took a deep breath and I saw his eyes water again. "Your Dad is being treated for a broken arm."

"What about Mom?" Rachel asked.

Charlie's eyes suddenly looked dark and I didn't recognize them.

"She…the impact was too much for her and by the time the ambulance got there she bled out. I tried helping her but I couldn't get her out. I'm sorry." He choked back a sob. "She's gone."

No. No no no no! I didn't want to hear any more I didn't want to feel or see or walk or talk or anything. I wanted my Mommy – I wanted her to hug me and wanted to hear her call me little wolf again and I wanted to get rid of the sadness I felt when I remembered how mean I was before she left. Maybe she would have hung on longer if I'd told her I loved her before she left and didn't get annoyed with her. Maybe if she knew that she had a good boy waiting for her at home she wouldn't have died.

Died. She's dead – my mother is dead. She's gone and she's never coming back. I'm never going to see her again or smell her, or listen to her soft laugh when she was with Dad. I felt my legs fall out from underneath me and the first thing I felt was Bella covering me – hugging me so hard I could feel her body shaking. I screamed as loud as I could, wishing it would blast the glass out from the windows and shake the walls so hard they crumbled. I wanted this building to know what it'd taken away from me. I wanted it to die just like my Mother.

My sisters were crying too and they hugged me. Charlie and Harry had tears in their eyes too as they crouched down and pulled us together – a circle of crying and despair and loss. Would I ever be the same? I couldn't move or think, or breathe. I just wanted to lay there forever and not have to think about anything in the world.

I wanted to be Raven and fly away from this mess to cause havoc on the village – I wanted to be able to destroy everything in my path and ignore the bright light that was suffocating my vision. I felt my throat close and the room began to spin. My heart wasn't mine anymore, it belonged to my Mother, wherever she was. It belonged to her and I know I would never get it back. I didn't want it back. She could keep it – I couldn't feel anything else or I'd explode.

- - - -

The day was beautiful and the sky was a deep forget-me-not blue. Clouds floated dreamlessly across the sky as the community gathered around the wooded area where a deep cherry wood coffin rested above a deep hole in the ground. Clutching his daughters close to him, Billy Black gazed at the casket with his wife's favorite flower nestled perfectly on top.

Harry Clearwater stepped up to the podium that rested at the head of the casket and raised his arms to silence the crowd, even though there had barely been a word uttered since the beginning. "My friends, we are gathered here today to mourn over the loss of Sarah Elizabeth Black. She was a vibrant woman who had such a passion for life and her family. She was a daughter, a wife, a mother, a friend, and most importantly, a true Quileute. Her presence will be greatly missed and we send our thoughts up to the skies in knowledge that her spirit will transcend back into the earth so that she may not only live forever in our hearts, but in the very ground we formed our tribe on."

Not far from the ceremony, a boy with dark eyes sat upon a rock and listened closely to the words of Harry Clearwater. He hadn't spoken since the night that had forced him to grow up. He felt the familiar anger boiling up in his chest as his father and sisters stepped forward to touch the casket before his mother was lowered into the ground. Lowered into the tomb that would hold her body for the rest of eternity. He hated that place – he hated the way it made him feel.

He stood from the rocks and began to run at full-speed – away from the funeral, away from his family and the sadness that seemed to be a permanent blanket over them. He ran until he felt his lungs would burst from the frigid air, he ran until his legs shook so hard he was sure they'd never stop. He collapsed onto a pile of leaves and grasped them in his fists as hard as he could, hearing the satisfying crunch they made underneath his touch. Movement in the forest ahead of him made him look up.

A wolf was standing there watching him closely. The boy's eyes narrowed in recognition as he rose to his knees, then his feet and he walked over to the wolf. It didn't retreat from the boy and didn't show any signs of fear. Why did this wolf look so familiar? His thoughts traced back to the time when he and Bella got lost at the beach. This was the same wolf that lead them home. He watched it, tears filling his eyes.

"You can't lead me home this time." He whispered. "Mom's gone. I have no home."

It looked at him as though it understood and watched the boy sink into the soft ground beneath him. He trotted over slowly and curled next to the boy's trembling form. The boy looked into its eyes and knew he was safe with him. The boy pressed his face into its soft fur and cried harder than he had before. His hands clutched the wolf's soft fur as if it were his only lifeline.

The wolf didn't mind; it simply rested his nose on the boy's trembling shoulders and whimpered right along with him. It was as though they were both howling with loss under the same yellow moon.


	4. Forever Isn't Enough

Thank you so much for all the reviews and support of this story! It means the world to me! This chapter was very emotionally draining for me – it took many Honey Buns and Mountain Dew to get it to the place I wanted. ;] I hope I can do this story justice and you will enjoy reading it as much as I do writing it.

- - - -

**Fifteen Years Old**

A soft glow fell across the house and filtered through Jacob's window. He groaned and turned his face away, trying to savor the last minutes of sleep he had left. Soon, Billy would be cruising into his bedroom with his loud voice booming for him to wake and greet the day. Jacob soon drifted back out of consciousness and as if thinking about him summoned him, Billy Black entered the bedroom.

"Jacob! Come on son, it's time to get up!" He slapped an open palm on Jacob's hip.

He yelped and sat up, whacking his head on the mobile of carved wooden wolves hanging above his bed. "Dang Dad, haven't you heard of gentle coaxing?!"

Billy smiled impishly and blew off his hand as though it were a pistol. "Nope! Now get 'cher butt out of bed before this hand of mine gets dangerous." He wheeled out of the room.

Jacob slipped out of bed and mocked his father's voice under his breath sarcastically.

"I heard that!" Billy called from the kitchen. "Don't think because you're taller now, I can't kick you into next week!"

As Jacob got ready for school, he smiled to himself and thought about Billy and his random tactics for getting out of bed. He walked out of his small bedroom and into the kitchen where breakfast was waiting for him. "Thanks Dad." He said appreciatively and began gulping it down with indecent haste.

Rebecca and Rachel, having turned eighteen two years after the accident, moved away from Washington to room together in a swanky apartment near San Diego. Jacob had never been there but he wondered why they would move so far away. They told him it was because they wanted to be by the ocean, he told them they lived by the water their whole lives for free.

That didn't go over well with them.

Jacob wondered if it was less about the ocean and more about the house being filled with too many painful memories to stay.

It had been three years since the passing of Sarah Black. There were times that Jacob could go a full day without mentioning his mother, then there were the days he could barely get out of bed. He hated those days – he was happy Bella was there to cheer him again. Their friendship had gotten even closer after that nightmare of a night.

"Come on son, you're going to be late. We need all the extra time we can get if you want to get a driving lesson in." Billy winked at his son and wheeled down the ramp Jacob helped build after the accident. It turned out that something went horribly wrong with Billy's spine, and it paralyzed him from the hips down. The adjustment was astronomical at first, but now Billy was riding around as though he'd never been without his chair.

Jacob's eyes widened at the prospect of a driving lesson. He bounded up, washed his dish and face, snatched up his backpack, and hurried out the door where his father was waiting in the truck - on the passenger side no less. _Cool_. Jake thought with a grin as he slipped behind the wheel.

"Okay, now put the key and turn counter clockwise…" Billy said slowly.

Jacob turned to him with a '_seriously, Dad?' _expression. "Quil and I have been driving this truck for more than a year, Dad. I think I know how to at least turn it on." He easily pulled away from the dirt driveway and onto the main street toward the high school. It was harder to manipulate the hand brake and gas that altered the truck, but he was elated to be on the open road nonetheless. Quil was going to _shit_ when he saw Jake pulling up to the school in the truck…driving.

"So…how's Bella?" Billy asked casually, a sly grin etched on his face.

Jake's grip on the wheel tightened. "I don't really know." He answered quietly. "I haven't talked to her in a couple days."

Billy's face sobered. "You guys have a fight or something? Charlie didn't mention anything…"

"I'm not sure." Jacob's jaw clenched in slight annoyance. One day they were fine and the next, absolutely no communication, no calls, nothing. Jacob went to school on the Reservation, Bella went to the public school a few miles up the road. Just that part alone made keeping a friendship difficult, now Jacob had no idea why Bella wasn't talking to him.

Billy reached over and patted his shoulder. "I'm sure it's just hormones. I'm sorry, son."

"Yeah, me too." He sighed as he pulled up to school. The sudden thrill of being seen as the driver was completely gone. He tried to busy himself in the garage or on the beach so he wouldn't have to go through the million ideas flying through his head about Bella's sudden dismissal.

"Have a good day Jake." Billy smiled. Jake returned the greeting and helped his father slide into the driver's side of the truck.

"Dude! You drove the Beast?!" Quil's voice boomed loudly behind them. Jacob couldn't help but smile as he turned around to look at his friend. Quil was a thin boy with long black hair and a smile that could win anyone's heart, especially mothers. Jake was happy to have him but he missed Bella. Embry followed behind Quil with the same baffled yet excited expression.

"Man, your dad is the coolest." He said with a longing sigh. "My old man would die if I asked him to drive his car."

Jacob grinned. "Yeah well, don't tell him that or his ego might make his head explode." The phone in his pocket vibrated and his heart fluttered when _Bella_ appeared on the display screen. "Hey – I'll be right back guys." Jake told his two friends and jogged over to a grassy area where a picnic table sat.

"Hello?" He answered.

"Jacob."

He frowned, instantly on edge. "Bella…what's wrong? Are you okay? Where have you been?"

Bella didn't answer any of his questions at first. There was a hesitation on the line, then Bella replied, "we need to talk. Now…I know I'm pulling you out of school but it's really important. I have to see you."

"Where are you? What's going on?"

"Jake." She pleaded. "Please." 

Jacob raced back to the parking lot and sighed in relief to see his father was still there, talking to Harry Clearwater.

"Um, okay Bella, I'll meet you at your house in like, fifteen minutes."

He raced over to them. "Dad!" 

Billy was surprised to see his son not yet in class. "Jacob! You're going to be late!"

"Bella just called me and said she needed to talk to me. She sounded like it was urgent. I need to talk to her." He pleaded.

Billy looked into his son's eyes and saw the urgency – he saw Sarah. He sighed and nodded. "I can hitch a ride with Harry back home. But go to Bella's and _straight_ back, do you understand me?"

"Yes! Yes, thanks Dad." Jacob said with fervor. He helped him into Harry's car and sped off down the road towards Bella's house. He skidded into the driveway and knocked on the door, biting his lip nervously and wondered what was so important that she needed to talk to him about. When Bella opened the door, she looked terrible. Her hair was matted to her head, her normally rosy cheeks were pale and her skin had a translucent, grey tinge to it.

"Bells…" He said softly, examining her. "What happened? God, are you okay?"

She bit her lip and looked at him nervously, crossing her arms around herself. "My mom called. She wants me to come visit her in Arizona for the summer."

Jake felt relief rush through him. "Well great! I mean that's good news!" He hugged her.

Bella pulled away from his chest to look at his eyes. "She wants me to fly back to Arizona and," she took a deep breath, "I don't know if I'm coming back, Jake."

He felt something sharp pang into his chest, right through the heart. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. It couldn't be true. He stared at her in disbelief as she continued talking.

"Mom was messed up when I was a kid. She made some mistakes and I can't blame her for that anymore. I was thinking of finishing high school there and coming back for college here in Washington…but maybe I could check out Arizona State too. They have a great program and it's about fifteen minutes away from Mom's house. I could graduate early from high school to get there – some courses I take now can be transferred over."

He backed from her and into the wall, bumping into a picture frame and it crashed onto the floor, shattering into a million pieces. He felt like he was hovering above his own body as he bent down with Bella to pick up the pieces of glass. A large wedge stuck up from the floor and jabbed into his forearm. "Dammit." He mumbled under his breath as blood began to flow from the wound.

"Come on." Bella whispered, taking him into the bathroom to put his arm under the running faucet. He followed silently as he tried to process what she'd told him. _Bella wanted to leave Washington. She wants to be away from Charlie…wants to be away from me._

"This might sting." She said softly, putting iodine on the cut.

_Not as much as what you're doing to me right now. _He still didn't answer.

Her eyes looked into his and Jacob was reminded of all the little things he couldn't live without. "Bella." He whispered. "Please think about what you're saying. Don't you know how much this is killing me right now?"

She swallowed hard and was unable to look into his eyes. "Jake, I love you. You're my best friend, but my Mom needs a chance to reconnect with me and we're not going to do that in a few weeks. I think I need to do this not just for me, but for her too."

"And what about Charlie? Does he know?" He felt the anger and bitterness rise over the sadness.

Guilt spread faster than blush across her cheeks. "I haven't told him yet." She focused all of her attention on wrapping Jacob's arm with gauze.

Jacob stood. "Oh come on Bella! When did you plan on telling him then? On the way to the airport?"

"Of course not! I was going to tell him when the time was right! Just like now, I'm telling you because I thought I should! Jake…" She came over and took his arm. Jacob had the fleeting desire to pull away but he couldn't – this was Bella. He could never tell her no. "This isn't going to be as bad as you think. We can still write and email…I can come down to visit, you can come up and get a taste of the heat..." Her smile was meant to come across as joking, but Jacob wasn't in the mood.

This time he really did pull away from her. "Communication." He smirked bitterly. "Like the communication you've been giving me these past days? God Bella, I was worried about you! I wanted to talk to you – I didn't know what I did wrong!"

She immediately came over to him and touched his chest. "You didn't do anything wrong Jacob! I heard from my mom a few days ago and I wanted some time away from you so I could make the right choice without being influenced by you!" Thunder clasped against the sky and it made Bella jump.

"Don't give me that Bella." He growled, still not taking his eyes off her. "Don't you think if you came to me with this I wouldn't have given you space? You didn't want to tell me because you don't want to go! You know you want to stay with me. God, you're my best friend. I can't lose you, I just can't." He felt the resolve not to cry weakening and tears began to betray him, just like everything else. "I already lost my mother…don't make me lose you too."

She whirled away from him and pressed her hands into her forehead. "Jacob, God please don't do this! Don't make me feel guilty about wanting to see my own mother! This isn't fair!" She stormed out of the bathroom and into the living room. She sat on the couch and put her head in her lap.

Jacob followed her out and sat on the coffee table across from her. He put a hand on her shoulder and she looked up at him. "Bella…please." He said, voice breaking. She would never realize how much it was taking out of him to do this. "I'm begging you." He slid from the table and got on his knees with a soft thud against the carpet. "I'm on my knees. I'm pleading…come back to Forks after summer. Come back."

They stared into each other's eyes for a brief moment. Jacob trying to find resolve, Bella trying to search for acceptance. Her mouth opened and closed several times in attempt to think of the right words to comfort him but there weren't any. She didn't know how to tell her best friend she was about to break his heart for a life she insisted was better than the one she had now.

"I can't promise you that." She finally whispered.

Something broke in Jacob's eyes. After all of these years, he foolishly thought he would be enough to make her stay. Now he knew that he would always come second…always second. His shoulders slumped and he stayed in the kneeling position before her, as if he were offering himself up for slaughter.

"Jake…" She whispered, pulling his face up to meet hers. "I know I have no right to ask but I want you to promise something."

"Of course." He said slowly, robotically. If she asked him to rip his heart out so she could stomp on it, he would ask her where she kept the scalpel.

"Promise me this isn't going to change anything. Promise me that you're not going to treat our friendship differently." She gripped his hands in her own and looked at Jacob with the same pleading expression he'd given her.

"No." He said distantly and gave a wooden smile. "Of course not."

- - - -

**Jacob's POV**

Days turned into weeks, weeks into months…before I knew it, the night before Bella's departure was ahead of me, looming in the darkness like a bad dream. As I drove down the familiar highway toward the Swan residence, I felt the familiar anxiety and fear slide into the passenger seat next to me like an old friend. The visits after the bomb dropped, I felt Bella and I were constantly on edge.

I hated the feeling of uncertainty in the one person I was sure of - what was even real any more? All I wanted was to go back to the days before complication, back to the times when I could call for Bella and she'd be there. I didn't like being around this Bella. Every time I saw her, I felt the awkwardness set in and it wasn't the same.

I wanted to shake her. _Is there anything I wouldn't do for you Bella? No, not a damn thing. Why can't you do this one thing for me?_

It was no secret that Renee wasn't a good parent when Bella was little. Why did she want her back now? So she could get a couple years in and announce she filled her timecard as a parent? I hated that Renee did this to me; I hate even more that she's doing it to Bella. I really wanted to hate her for this, but in the depths of my heart I knew that I couldn't. I realized that I needed to let her go and that hurt more than I ever could've imagined.

I parked the truck and made my way up the walkway to Bella's door. I foolishly thought that if I walked slower I could somehow make this situation go away. I knocked on the door and Charlie answered a few moments later.

"Jacob," he smiled at me and moved aside so I could pass. "I think she's almost ready."

"Thank you." I replied and ducked through.

I think it would be impossible to count the times I'd been in the Swan house. Though now that I looked around, I thought it couldn't have looked more foreign to me. All of Bella's things that had been strewn around haphazardly were gone, probably packed away in a suitcase somewhere. Charlie was constantly busy at the station and it was Bella who kept the house looking homey and lived in. Now, it looked nothing but stale.

"Jake." Bella smiled and came down the stairs.

I turned and saw her coming down the stairs, a big smile on her face. I smiled back at her and walked over, bumping shoulders with her like usual. "Ready to go?"

She nodded and looked to Charlie as we walked towards the door. "Bye Dad, I promise I'll be back in a couple of hours." 

"Okay Bells…have fun." He smiled as though he didn't see us and disappeared into the kitchen. I was sure he was feeling the same thing I was. _Only a couple hours left, a friendship that lasted years was coming down to the minutes_. I tried to push that out of my head as Bella climbed into the truck and I turned on the engine.

"What do you want to do?" I asked, backing out of the drive.

She thought for a second and gave me a mischievous grin. "Let's go down to the beach."

"Are you sure?" I asked, frowning. You'd think she'd want to do something more…I don't know, spectacular with her last night in Forks. "I thought you'd want to go into the city and do something more dramatic."

"Oh c'mon Jake!" She gave me a little push and smiled, "You know I'm not much into dramatics."

I grinned and felt happy to be with her and sad she was leaving at the same time. I pulled onto the sandy beach and got out, going around to open the door for her too. She slipped out and took my arm as I walked with her onto the moist sand. "Thanks for taking me here, Jacob. I love it."

"Sure." I shoved my hands in my pockets and felt the cool breeze pelt my arms and back. The sun had slipped behind the water and cast a black shadow in the darkening sky. I remembered the millions of times I came down here when my Dad was too depressed to talk or I wanted some alone time. Bella was almost always with me in these times. I didn't know if I could do it without her.

"Something you want to talk about?" She asked, catching my fingers in hers. Of course she would know when I was upset – she was almost everything but in my head.

I shrugged. "Just thinking about how things are going to change."

She tugged on my arm and turned me to face her. I could barely make out her expression in the dark evening, but I could still see her eyes, and they were just as intense as ever. "Can we not think about this right now? Let's think about something else – pretend like I'm not leaving."

I didn't want to tell her how hard that was and what she was asking me to do. _How can I pretend you're basically not going to exist after tomorrow?_ "Okay." I replied. I was glad it was darker now, she couldn't read the true answer in my eyes.

"Good." I heard the smile in her voice. "Do you want to make dribble castles?"

I smiled in spite of myself. "I can't believe you still remember that."

"Of course I do. You hated me and I hated you. You threw sand at me and tried to scare the shit out of me with that ogre story."

It took me a minute to remember our kindergarten antics. "Oh right. Dask'iya." I smirked. "I was so upset that you weren't scared."

She walked me to the water's edge where the sand was a bit wetter and crouched down. I could make out the silkiness of her back and actually looked away. _Since when did Bella get curves?_ I could bring her face into my mind's eye in less than a second and realized she wasn't only my best friend, she was beautiful. Her face lost the kidlike chubbiness and her lips got fuller and tinged with a deep pink.

I squatted next to her and took the slippery sand in my hand and began making a castle.

"You're still better than me at this." She laughed musically.

"Maybe you should take some of this with you in a bucket to practice. It's not like you're going to have this in Arizona." The words were out of my mouth before I'd even realized I said them. It was meant to come out as a joke, but the wound was still to fresh to play with.

I saw her form pause and there was an awkward silence I wished I could make disappear. _Dammit Jacob._ I mentally cursed myself for ruining a moment of almost normalcy. I selfishly hoped her pause were really second thoughts, but I knew it wasn't right to think that way. Everyone deserved a chance to know their mother. _Except me._ I thought.

"Jake…please." She choked out and I moved my non-muddied hand to pull her into my body. She was freezing.

"Let's go back to the truck." I suggested.

She shook her head. "No. I don't want to leave this place. There's too many good memories – I don't want to leave yet. I'm not ready. I'm not." She said repeatedly.

"Okay, okay. Let's rinse our hands off and we can find a log to sit on or something." I moved her over to the water and had more intruding thoughts. I hated overanalyzing everything she said because that wasn't my style, but the frantic way she was talking...I couldn't help thinking the please she were making contained more than just leaving La Push.

I pulled a flashlight out of my jacket and walked us over to the fire pit most of the kids on the Rez use to have bonfires on the weekends. "Hang on, I'm going to start a fire." I told her and brought some matches out of my pocket as well. When the fire was started, a soft glow was cast across her face and the smile I loved so much was back.

"Okay MacGyver, got anything else in those pockets? I'm kinda craving a ham sandwich."

_God, I loved her._

"No, I'm sorry…fresh out." I smiled and moved next to her in the sand with one of the fallen logs against our backs. It was a beautiful night…mild and all of the stars were out. My eyes scanned the stars like they always did and I felt my breath catch. "Bella…look, Leo."

"What?" She asked.

I pointed to a cluster of stars in front of us. "Your Zodiac sign."

She sat up. "I don't see it."

I pulled her hand up to the sky and began to trace it for her, ignoring the feeling of her warm hand in mine and how it felt different than the way I'd held her hand before. "There's the head, the back, the tail." I turned to look at her and her face brightened in recognition.

"I see it." She smiled and looked at me, though her body was trembling slightly. "I wish I could just suspend time…I wish I could hold this moment in a bottle and relive it whenever I want to."

"Me too." I sighed. "Maybe we should get going…you're shivering."

She cupped her palm on my forearm. "No…I don't want to leave yet."

_Always the stubborn one._ I didn't want her to turn into a human ice cube before her mother got her hands on her, so I put my arm on the log to open my left side for her. "Okay then…c'mere." I pulled her over to me and she smiled, allowing herself to be moved by me.

"This is what I love about you, Jake." She sighed softly. "You're always so warm. Bet that gets annoying around this time of year."

I shrugged. "It's okay. You know that it doesn't get too hot here."

She shook her head. "It's not just a body heat thing…it's _you_ Jake. It's like you're bright and happy all the time." He eyes looked into mine like she was searching for more words than she was saying. "You're just bright and warm…like the sun. I know that sounds dumb but that's how I've always thought of you." She let out a small laugh and looked at the sand.

_How do you reply to something like that_? I struggled to find something to say and I went back to my old roots. When all else fails, tell a story. "Have I ever told you how the sun was born?"

She looked at me. "A bunch of different gasses swirling around and gravity clumped them together?"

I laughed. "No, I meant the Quileute version."

"Oh. No." She smiled at me and rested her head against my shoulder. "Tell me."

I took a deep breath and began to tell the story like my mother did when I was a kid. It seemed like forever ago and yesterday at the same time. I made sure my voice didn't shake as I did so. "A long time ago, there was no day. We had light from the stars but it was still really dark. The people knew the sun was kept in a box with the Chief. When Raven came to a place where he knew the Chief's daughter got water, he was able to change himself into a tiny seed and floated on the river surface. Well, when the daughter took a drink, she swallowed him."

"Have I ever told you that you Quileutes have some very strange stories?" Bella interrupted and looked up at me from her spot on my shoulder, a playful smile on her face.

I looked down at her and grinned. "You might've mentioned it a few times."

"Good." She put her head back in place. "Just thought you'd ought to know. Carry on."

I rolled my eyes. "Anyway, she swallowed him without noticing and got pregnant. When she had the baby, it was a boy and was actually Raven. When he was a kid, he always wanted to play with the ball that his grandfather, the Chief, kept in the box. One day, the Chief let him play with it and turned to do something when the boy turned back into Raven, taking the sun with him. He flew in the air and tossed the sun in the sky and it's been there ever since."

There was silence for a few moments before Bella spoke up again. "What's your favorite story?" She mumbled.

I could tell she was getting tired and her body was sagging heavier against mine. "I like the story about the lost boys turning into stars."

"Tell me that one, Jake." Her voice was drowsier than before but I didn't want to move her. I liked the feel of all her weight on my side. It made me feel good that I could protect her.

"Once there were these six brothers whose parents had died. The tribe had cast them out and all of the kids made fun of them for having ripped clothes and no money. The only things that didn't make fun of them or hurt them were a pack of wolves. One day after they were teased again, they decided they didn't want to be human anymore, so they started thinking about what they might want to be instead. They didn't want to be flowers because they'd be stepped on or eaten by the buffalo. they didn't want to be anything that could be destroyed. They finally decided that they would like to become stars. Our people admired them and they were always in the sky, safe."

I looked down and Bella was blinking rapidly, fighting off sleep. I smirked at her and kept going.

"The boys stood by a large cliff and jumped into the sky and they floated up to become stars. The sun was happy to see the boys and the moon called them her lost children. The sun was so angry at the tribe for hurting the boys that he sent a long drought down on the village. Everyone was miserable and the crops were dying. Everyone heard the wolves howling at the night because they missed the boys. Finally, the Chief begged the sun to stop the drought, as it was hurting the village and its creatures. The sun relented and the rains came."

I looked down again and saw Bella was actually asleep this time. I debated on moving her back to the truck and taking her home, but I wasn't ready to let her go yet. I sank down into the sand and Bella adjusted herself to me easily. I looked down at her and was blown away by her beauty. Her eyelashes were so long they smoothed the top of her cheeks, and her skin was pale and smooth like milk. I cautiously lifted my free hand and brushed some stray hair away from her face.

_How did I fall in love with you, Bella?_

The question surprised me when I thought about it. She was my best friend in the whole world and now I wanted her more than anything I'd ever wanted in my whole life. How did we go from being a brother and sister pair to me wanting to wrap her in my arms and kiss her they way I'd seen in the movies?

As I watched her, I realized why no other girls caught my eye. _They didn't ever and won't ever compare to you, Isabella Swan. Until I take my last breath, I'm going to love you. I'm not going to abandon you. I'm not going to wish you're something you're not. You don't have to be anything more than who you are…because for me, that's enough. You were always enough._

- - - -

Rain pelted against the window as I sat on my bed and watched the waves crashing against one another on the beach. I wasn't going to say goodbye to her again. It was hard enough the night before and I didn't know if I was strong enough to do it again. My fingertip traced the wall and I tried to think of something else to calm my mind.

My head was clouded with nothing but Bella.

I closed my eyes and I saw her face, I opened them and imagined her running towards me with a big smile on her face. I turned away from the window and saw pictures of us taped to the walls. Suddenly, I was angry. More than angry - I was hurt beyond recognition. Mom left, then my sisters, now Bella, the only person in the world that truly got me. This wasn't right.

I leapt to my feet and ripped the blankets from my bed, knocked the dresser down where clothes and photo frames clambered in pieces to the floor and didn't care who saw. I ripped the pictures from the wall and threw them at the ground as hard as I could. I knew in the back of my mind that I'd regret this later but in this moment, I didn't give a damn. I didn't care what happened to me or what I did to that God forsaken room. I went back to the night Mom died and I remembered wanting the building to be destroyed, that same feeling was back.

Dad opened the door and took in his breath. "Jacob Ephraim Black…"

I looked at him, my hands clenched into tight fists, my breathing was so hard I was almost panting. When our eyes met, I was waiting for the moment of impact. I was waiting for the moment he would start yelling and screaming about what an idiot I was but the lecture never came. "What are you still doing here?"

"What?" His question caught me off guard, I wasn't expecting it at all.

Dad came into the room. "Bella's leaving soon…I think Charlie said her flight leaves in about an hour. Don't you think you should go down there and say goodbye?"

I sat down hard on my bed. "I said goodbye to her last night."

He put his hand on my knee. "I know it's hard to say goodbye to someone you're close to son, but I think Bella could really use your support in this choice she's making. You two have been friends for years…almost a decade. I think you should be there…I know it's for you just as much as it is for her. I can see it in your eyes, you need to see her face one last time."

I ducked my head down and pushed my fists into my eyes to shield the tears. "This hole in my chest…it's never going to go away."

"It will Jake. I promise it will. This isn't the end, you guys will still be able to write and visit. You need to keep the hope. There's still a chance that she'll come back when summer is over."

I shook my head. I knew better than to hold on to that belief. "Even if she did come back Dad, it isn't going to be the same. It's never going to be the same. Now every time I see her I'm going to wonder if she's thinking about going back to Arizona or if she's going to leave me. Bella used to be the one thing I knew wouldn't change, now she's not. I'm never going to know what's real again – ever." My voice cracked.

Dad had tears in his eyes now too. "Go Jacob." He whispered. "Go or you're going to regret it."

I stared back out the window and saw something staring back at me in the distance - the wolf. A chill went down my spine. It stepped out of the brush and looked at me with an expression that was human, not animalistic. It was as though it was saying '_o, she needs you'._ I jumped up with a start and ran out the door, not even bothering think about different forms of transportation.

I just ran.

I ran as hard as I did the day of my mother's funeral, only this time I knew where I was going – I knew what I had to do. I needed to see Bella before it was too late. Rain smacked against me so hard it was like needles going into my skin. They hit me over and over but the pain felt good – it made me feel alive in the way Bella made me feel alive. In that moment, I knew Dad was right. I couldn't let Bella leave without seeing her one more time. I needed to see her just as much – I loved her. I loved her and I could never tell her. The weight of the confession would kill her and I couldn't put that on her shoulders. This was her turn for a new start.

My lungs were on fire as I turned the corner and raced up to the house, forcing that final lunge out of me. I jumped onto the porch and knocked the door, praying over and over that she would still be there. I almost crashed into her as Bella opened the door.

"Jacob! God, you're soaked!" She looked around outside. "Where's the truck? How did you get here?"

"I ran." I slipped my way past her and into the house, turning to face her again. "I couldn't leave without seeing you one more time. I needed to make sure you'd be okay. I knew you would be because you're strong but I needed to make sure just for me – for my sanity. You're leaving and I just need you to tell me that you're going to be okay -"

Bella closed the space between us in a heartbeat and pulled me into a hard hug. "I'm going to be fine Jake, and so are you. We're going to be fine and live the best lives we can." She murmured softly into my shoulder.

_There is no best life without you._

"Bella…it's time to go." Charlie came in from the kitchen, his eyes were puffy like he'd been crying.

I didn't let her go, even when she moved in my arms. I couldn't. "Jake." She whispered. "Please…don't make this harder than it already is."

I finally released her and looked into her face, the three words so close I could feel them on my tongue.

"I'll call the second I get there." She smiled. "Make sure Embry and Quil don't smash my burping record."

I sniffed and didn't care the tears were coming again. "I won't."

She hugged me a last time and I wanted to hug her tight enough to push her into myself, to take her wherever I went. "I love you, Jake." She whispered. "You're the best friend I could ever have."

"I love you too." I replied thickly.

Bella released me from my arms and they fell limply to my sides, as though they were useless without Bella in them. She kissed my cheek and walked out with Charlie under the umbrella he held, then into the cruiser. I watched in disbelief as the engine turned over and the only love I'd ever known went coasting down the street and out of my view.


	5. Miles from You

Thanks for hanging in there with me and for all of the sweet compliments I've been getting on this story! I had a bit of a writer's block for a while, then I got a new job and my dog passed away so there's been a lot of stress on me for the past couple weeks. Watching some Bella/Jacob fanvids on YouTube did help, too. ;) Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

- - - - 

**Jacob's POV - Seventeen years old**

The trees were swaying in the light, balmy wind and leaves were beginning to fall – a sign that summer in Forks was coming to an end. I attempted to put the handlebars back on my bike while holding my cell in the crook of my neck, trying to understand Bella.

"Hang on I can't hear you." I put the phone down and screwed the handlebars back on and revved the engine. It purred sweetly and I grinned in satisfaction. Turning it off, I sat back on the back of Dad's truck and picked up the phone again. "Okay, sorry."

"You and your bikes." Bella chuckled into the receiver. "I swear I think you like them more than anything else."

I kicked the dirt with my sneaker, a nervous habit I'd had since I was a kid. I was glad that Bella wasn't around to see me do it. "Hey now, school is still out. What do you expect me to do? Bask in the glorious weather?"

There had been constant rain all summer, a first for Forks. Today was the first day in about three months that we weren't getting soaked. Something inside me said it wasn't just a coincidence this started exactly a year after Bella decided not to come back that summer. It still killed me every day to see her talk about a boyfriend or the antics she'd been up to in Arizona. I just wanted her back with me - back in the garage, talking and pretending like things never changed.

"Well pretty soon you're going to be here sweating your ass off, so I'd be enjoying the rain while you still can." Bella's laugh twinkled brightly.

I've been working down the road at the local car servicing station and was able to buy a plane ticket to visit Bella before senior year began. I'm still hoping she'll come back to me at the end of my trip but I can't fully allow myself that luxury. I miss her so much that it hurts – it's like the dull throb that I can't rid of in my chest. Death would be easier than living with this ache.

"Jake? You there?" Bella's voice echoed in my head like a siren.

I was brought back from my reverie. "Sorry…something caught my eye."

"You know they have pills for that sort of thing now." She teased and I couldn't help but smile.

I stood and made my way out of the garage and noticed the first sign of the sun poking through the dispersing clouds.

"Yeah I know…you should bring it up to your doctor next time." My legs carried me through the house and in front of the bulletin board with pictures that I'd dubbed as the _Bella Wall_. Most of them were pictures of us as kids and some while she lived in Forks, and she'd sent me new ones of her excursions in Arizona too. Sometimes I wanted to force myself to look at them, really study them and see how Bella changed but I couldn't yet.

The photos were of her and some friends, a couple with her mother, and some single ones of her. I'd pinned the ones of her in front of the others, it seemed so psychotic but I didn't want to see her having fun there. In the deepest section of my heart where I didn't let anyone touch, I thought I could get her back.

"So how excited are you to come out? Are you packed yet?"

I flopped on the bed. "Yes mother, I even remembered to _clean_ the shirts before I packed them!" I chirped sarcastically. I knew that if she was here, she'd be slapping my arm and shaking her head.

"C'mon Jake…be serious!" She huffed playfully.

I didn't want to be too honest with her, I knew that I could guilt trip her into pretty much anything. As much as it hurt for me, I still wanted her to make her own choices in happiness. "I'm really excited, yes. Quil and Embry are jealous as heck."

"Good, because we're going to have so much fun Jake. There's so much I want to show you." I could hear the thrill in her voice and I smiled to myself at her excitability. "I want you to meet all of my friends and Mike."

Immediately, the papa bear instinct kicked in and I needed to protect my cub. "Who's Mike?"

"Oh just a guy from school."

I knew in an instant she was lying and my heart was breaking once again. "So is this the next flavor of the week?" I asked. I tried not to sound bitter but she was too wrapped up in her own thoughts (I'm sure) to notice.

"No, he's actually a very nice guy."

"That's what you said about the last two and they ended up being assholes."

She sighed impatiently. "Jake – it's nice that you care about whom I date and everything but I think I need to decide for myself who I should and shouldn't date okay?"

_Then stop coming to me crying when they break your heart,_ I thought bitterly. "Fine. Look, I better get going. I still have some stuff to do for Dad before I leave and it's an early flight tomorrow."

"Oh," her voice was surprised and it killed me to talk so shortly to her. "Okay. I'll see you tomorrow then, Jake."

"See ya." I replied and hung up, leaning against the side of my house and thudded my head against it. _Another boyfriend_ I thought. _Another guy that's going to take her heart and break it then good ole Jake is going to be there to talk her off the bridge of self loathing._ As much as I loved Bella, I hated that she put me in this position all the time. I wish I could tell her she could do so much better but I knew she'd ask me who would be better and I don't know how tempted I'd be to say _me_.

I've seen friendships go down the drain too many times when someone pulled a card like that. I wasn't going to let that happen to us. I pushed myself off the side of the house and started walking back into the garage when I saw Quil and Embry coming towards me. For once I was glad to see them instead of working in the garage; me working on the bike, my feelings working on me.

"Hey man!" Embry grinned and slapped me hard on the arm. "Aren't you supposed to be sweating to death in Hell by now?"

I rolled my eyes and nodded my head towards Quil, who was a lot less abrasive than Embry was about these things. "It's not exactly Hell and I'm leaving tomorrow if you have to know…and I've told you about fifteen times just yesterday." I suddenly realized that both of them weren't wearing shirts. I was in a long-sleeved Henley and still had a slight chill. "Are you guys crazy? Where's your clothes?"

They looked at each other strangely, like they knew something I didn't and I wasn't allowed in on the secret. Suddenly I was weary of them. "You're not going to do anything weird to me, are you?" I asked and took a step back. "'Cause I really like this shirt…"

Quil snorted into his hand and Embry shook his head. "It's nothing man. We just wanted to come and say bye."

"Oh. Well thanks."

"And good luck." Embry added.

They were acting especially strange today. Walking around in the cold weather with no shirts, grinning at each other knowingly as though they were planning my surprise party and I didn't know anything about it…something inside me was unnerved with my friends. "What am I going to need good luck for?"

"Because we all know you want Bella to come back to Forks with you." Quil said. Hearing those words coming from his mouth surprised me. I always thought I'd hid my feelings for Bella well, but I must've not given these two boneheads enough credit. "We all miss her."

I was tempted to say something stupid but I looked in their faces and saw they were being serious for once so I bit my tongue. "Er, well…thanks guys. I appreciate it."

"I don't think she's going to come back, though." Embry piped. Of course he had to ruin the moment with something like _that_. I frowned and shot my hardest expression at him.

"What do you mean?"

Embry sat down a step stool and tightened his shoelace. "C'mon Jake. Don't be so naïve. How much has she called since she's gotten there compared to how often you used to talk to her?"

"That's because she's in a different state Embry." I stated defensively.

He smirked again and I wanted to wipe it off his face. "Okay man. You just keep thinking that. Stay in lala land for the rest of your life. All I'm saying is that she seems to be pretty comfortable in the sunshine state."

"That's Florida, you numb nut." I picked up a wrench and tossed it onto the workbench. It landed with a loud and satisfying clang.

"I've seen the pictures on your wall. She hasn't smiled that big in a while. She's around a lot of guys Jacob. I'm not trying to mess you up or anything but I don't want you to get your feelings hurt. She's moved on from all this crap you guys had since you swapped Pampers. I think you need to move on too. There's so many nice girls -"

I'd heard enough. "Okay, stop. I don't want to hear this for one, and two I don't like her the way you think. She's been my best friend since I was a kid sure…I love her but it's like a sister love. I don't want to look at anyone else because most of the girls you think are good looking are freaking repulsive." I knew it was mean, but I couldn't think of anything else to say so they'd get off my back.

Embry's hands went up to his chest in defense and nodded. "Okay man, point taken. We better get out of here." He looked at Quil and stood, walking out the door and Quil followed. I was still intrigued but I was too annoyed to care by now. I just wanted them to go so I could think in private.

"See ya." Embry said.

"Yeah…good luck." Quill added before they ran off into a thatch of trees across my yard. I locked up the garage and went into the house as it was getting dark and increasingly cold. I did have to give Forks one thing, we never lacked the need for winter attire. I immediately went to my room and examined everything I'd packed. After the talk with Quil and Embry, everything in that duffel bag seemed inadequate.

My eyes fell onto the photos I had put on my bulletin board of Bella and her new life. Maybe my friends were right – she'd moved on and I should too. It hurt me to think about it but it hurt worse to dwell on what could have or should have been. There was a knock on the door and Dad came in, smiling.

"Ready to see Bella tomorrow son?"

I nodded and picked at the zipper to my duffel bag. Dad came over in his chair and nudged me with it. I should have known he'd want to talk – that was the reason he'd come in to begin with. "You don't seem too thrilled. Afraid you'll waste away in the baking sun?"

"No…Embry and Quil came over."

He frowned. "That usually doesn't make you like this."

"They said some things I may or may not want to hear and I'm starting to think they're right." I sighed, not wanting to hold everything in anymore. "They said that Bella's moved on from me and enjoying her new life and I shouldn't keep trying to get her to come back. I have to try Dad…I can't come back to Forks knowing it's the last time we'll be in school together and we're not in the same city."

His eyes were kind and he smiled at me. "You never were the kind to give up son, and I am so proud of you for that."

I returned the smile and hugged my father, breathing him in like I did when I was a boy. "Thanks Dad." I whispered.

"Good luck my little _Qahla_."


	6. Strings and Paper Notes

First off, thank you for the support and continued favoriting of this story despite my impromptu hiatus. I've had a crazy few weeks, though this story has never been too far from my mind, I assure you. Thank you for the love and I hope you enjoy this chapter! I'm sure it's going to upset some of you. LOL

xx Laura

**Jacob's POV**

I walked through the doors of the airport, my whole body sagged. It was a long and turbulent flight and I was tempted to write my final words on the back of my Superman comic.

Immediately, I was blasted with the heat Arizona had promised to offer me. My eyes scanned the area for anything or anyone familiar, but before I could really look, something ran into me and nearly knocked me to the floor.

"Jake!" Bella's laugh was like the drink of water I forgot I craved. "You're here!"

"I am!" I grinned and hugged her, feeling her body on mine and I wanted it to stay like this forever.

She pulled away from me and looked me over, still smiling. I had to admit that Arizona treated her well. He skin wasn't pale anymore, it was a light tan and her hair had gotten lighter and curled around her shoulders. Her smile though – I knew it hadn't changed. It still brightened her face like it always had.

"My God, you look awesome!" She marveled and I tried my hardest not to blush underneath her compliment.

"Thanks. You look nice too…" I sputtered. "Pretty. I mean, you look pretty."

Bella punched my arm playfully. "C'mon Jake. I have so much to show you."

There she was – there was the Bella I'd known my whole life. The Bella I knew could take a compliment without being embarrassed or there being an awkward silence where she thought my words meant something they didn't. When Bella turned towards a bright red truck that looked like it was sucked out of a drive-in movie, I nearly fell over. "This is your ride?" I asked.

"Yeah. What's wrong with it?" She asked.

"Nothing!" I held up my hands defensively. "I like it…it has character."

She smirked and rolled her eyes. "Sure. Put your stuff in the back and let's get out of here."

I tossed my bag into the truck and hopped into the passenger seat as Bella backed out of the space and soon we were on the open highway. The warmth covered me instantly, but it was a good feeling – much different from Forks. I couldn't believe how dry this place was, and how much it lacked in color.

I noticed Bella watching me from the driver's seat. "What?" I smirked, feeling a little self-conscious.

She smiled at me and shook her head. "Nothing. It's just…you look good Jacob. I mean I'm glad you do. You've been taking care of yourself. I was worried in the beginning." She winced at her own words. "I mean, not like that…god, I'm making myself sound like a bitch aren't I?"

I smiled softly and shook my head. "No."

"I was worried about you Jake." She said in a more tender voice. "I knew I'd be okay because I didn't suffer such a loss-"

I felt my body tense and I knew she was about to talk about Mom. "Yeah."

She must've noticed my discomfort and glanced back at the road. "Anyway, I have some good stuff planned for us. I hope you don't plan on relaxing on this vacation. There's so much I want to show you around this place."

The excitement in her voice was infectious. "You know sleeping isn't really my style."

"Right." She replied.

We pulled off the freeway and before I knew it, we were pulling up the driveway to a single story house that was full of terracotta pots and cacti. There was an iron gate that was covered in vines and moss and I was momentarily reminded of home. The house still looked out of place in the subdivision, and from what I heard from Bella that was solely her mother's doing.

"Come on in and meet Mom." Bella smiled ad she slammed the truck door and opened the back for me to take my bag. I slung it over my shoulder and followed her through the door and into the living room. The house reminded me of Bella entirely – comfy and lived in. The armchairs were different patterns, the coffee tables were slightly different but they still worked together.

"Bella? Sweetheart, are you back?"

A woman with bright red hair and Bella's brown eyes walked in. She wiped her hands off on a dishcloth and smiled at me. It was amazing how much this small gesture related Bella to her mother. "Ah, the infamous Jacob! I'm Bella's mother Renee." She held out a hand and I took it, nodding.

"Yes ma'am. Thank you for having me."

"Oh it's no problem at all. Bella, go and help Jacob get settled. I'm going to put the finishing touches on dinner."

"Is Phil in there with you?" Bella asked, a smile playing on her lips.

Her mother scowled dramatically and turned back towards the kitchen.

I was in a confused haze as Bella walked me towards the hallway. "Don't let the dishtowel and apron fool you, she's a horrible cook. I'll be making the dinners or Phil will be ordering out for the remainder of your visit. Are you hungry?" She asked and opened the door to a nice room the size of our living room at home.

"Not really. I'm interested in these plans you have for us." Truth be told, I _was_ hungry. Starving even, but I was craving Bella's company more.

She grinned. "Let's go!" Bella took my hand and drug me from the room. "Mom! We're going out to explore! We'll be back later!" We were out the door before Renee even had a chance to answer.

"Isn't she going to be mad that we're missing dinner?" I frowned.

"Her version of dinner is takeout. No effort on her part – no anger." She released my hand at the hood of the truck to get in. The engine revved and I smirked at her excitement and got in so she wouldn't run over my foot in her zeal.

"So where are we going?"

"Meeting some friends down by the lake. I thought you'd want to get settled and stuff but I think we might be able to make it now." She grinned excitedly at me. "You can meet Mike, too."

"Oh…cool!" I tried to hide my disappointment and dislike for Mike even though I hadn't even met him yet. The Papa bear instinct was kicking in and I hated it. I listened to her drone on and on about the things Mike had done for her and I realized Bella was losing grip of herself. It took me by surprise – I'd never thought it would happen to her.

She never would've thought the things Mike did for her were romantic or cute if we were still in Forks. Bringing flowers from the grocery store on a date to the bowling alley? Lame. Bella used to be so strong and centered, now she was turning into the bowl of mushy girlfriend goo.

I guess I wasn't used to everything being so close because Bella was once again pulling into our destination in the blink of an eye. She hopped out and noticed my hesitation. She smiled at me through the window of her closed door. "Everyone is really nice Jake. Don't worry about it."

_I'm not worried about the people, _I thought as I stepped out in the still humid evening, _it's seeing you with this Mike creep that's making me want to vomit icicles._ I got out of the car and followed her to a sandy area that wasn't anything like La Push. "There's lakes in Arizona?" I asked, surprised.

"Well, it's manmade but let's just pretend it isn't for a while." She smiled at me and approached a bunch of kids around a campfire. A fire…in Arizona. This is getting weirder and weirder.

"Bella!" A few surprised voices turned and came over to hug her. "We thought you weren't going to make it!"

"We had a change of plans – Jake decided that he wanted to come after all." Bella beamed and turned to me. "Guys, this is Jake. Jake, this is Angela and Jessica."

Now, I don't think I'm cocky or presumptuous at all, but I've seen the look these girls gave me before. I see it all the time in Forks, like I'm some slab of meat they want on a platter. I smiled politely. "Nice to meet you both."

Jessica exhaled and grinned like I'd just given her the biggest compliment ever. "Well great! I mean I'm glad you decided to come."

Angela smiled and fixed her glasses and stared at the ground. Jessica grabbed Angela's arm and dragged her off – probably to gossip about…me. Bella leaned in and smiled at me. "Don't be scared of them, they're harmless. At least I think they are. Angela is more of the quiet type, bookish. Jessica is the one you kind of need to be weary of. She's a little crazy."

"I'll keep that in mind." I grinned and walked with her to the larger cluster of people. I was introduced to Eric, a friendly guy with a love of theater and hot boys, Tyler, who had three hot dogs in each hand and claimed football tryouts were in a few weeks and he needed to gain muscle, and a few others who's names I couldn't keep track of. At least Bella was keeping herself busy with and array of friends.

"Mike!" Bella's voice shrilled and off she ran towards a guy with gelled brown hair and a varsity jacket. _Really Bella?_ I thought to myself. I thought this would be your last resort? He picked her up in his arms and swung her around, kissing her when he set her back on the sand. I grunted and turned my head away.

"Jacob," Bella called and I forced myself to walk over. "Jake, this is my boyfriend Mike Newton. Mike this is Jacob, my best friend from Washington."

"Nice to meet you Jake." Mike's voice boomed and he held his hand out for me to shake. I hesitated, but I was here for Bella and wouldn't embarrass her. I shook his hand and it felt cold and clammy – all wrong.

"Nice to meet you too." I tried to keep my voice friendly and light. Bella beamed at the two of us so I was guessing she didn't catch it. Mike took Bella off with a disgusting look on his face and she just laughed and allowed herself to be pulled. I sat down on a log and ran my hands through my hair, wanting to scream.

"So how long are you staying in Forks?" Ashley – no, Jessica sat on the log next to me. I turned my head to look at her and saw she had blue eyes and a perfect smile. I felt my stomach turn again and wanted to get away from here – to take Bella and run far away so no one could touch her the way Mike, I'm sure, was touching her right now. What happened to us?

"A couple days." I told her. "I'm starting school so…"

She moved closer to me on the log and I inwardly groaned. How would this be happening to me? I felt her hand on my back and every thread of being was resisting it but I didn't pull away. Bella was clearly happy and not thinking of me all the time. I needed to do the same right? I took a shaky breath and turned to Jessica and her eyes bore hungrily into mine.

"You shouldn't be alone on your first night in Arizona, you know." Jessica's smile was seemingly coy but I could tell what she was really thinking underneath it. "I can help you there."

"Can you?" I ground out.

She nodded and brushed her lips on my jaw. I swallowed back my vomit and stayed still. Maybe if I just stayed still this would all go away. "You're pretty tense." Her fingers brushed my face and pulled my lips against hers. The taste and stickiness of her lip gloss was nauseating and I wanted it to stop. _No. You need to do this…just keep going, you'll get into it soon._ I tried to keep telling myself this in hopes it would actually happen. She took my hand and pulled me away from the fire and somewhere more private. I didn't know what to do or where to put my hands – it felt all wrong.

It was over before it'd begun.

_Could it still be rape_, I wondered, _even if I didn't refuse?_


	7. Anywhere But Here

Thank you for reviews everyone! They make me happeh!

**Jacob's POV**

The solitude of the household was making me crazy. Without any sounds or anything to distract me, I was forced to continually revisit what happened that night at the lake. What was getting together with Jessica going to prove? If I was trying to make Bella jealous it wasn't working – she was clearly too involved with other things to think about me. I clenched my jaw and closed my eyes, fighting back the urge not to cry.

"No! Please don't hurt him!" Bella's scream echoed through the house. I leapt out of bed and raced into her room and noticed the thrashing in her bed. I tried to relax my hammering heart as I crouched by her bed and stroked her hair gently.

"It's okay…you're safe now." I whispered.

Her screams slowly stopped and were replaced with the soft lull of her breathing. I could stay like this forever, just watching her sleep and not have to feel guilty about it. _Why are you being so stubborn Bella? You're killing me. I don't know if I can take much more of this. Please release me._

Bella's eyelids fluttered and I held my breath. My luck was never good enough though, because her eyes opened and she frowned in confusion. "Jake." She mumbled, voice thick with sleep. "What are you doing in here?"

"You were having a nightmare." I said softly.

She grunted and I knew she was recalling it. "Come lay with me…please?"

Of course I couldn't refuse her. She scooted over and I lay on top of the blankets, wrapping my arm around her shoulder and she just curled herself around me – perfectly. The warmth of her body against mine was intoxicating and I wanted this moment to last forever.

"Thank you Jacob." She mumbled, already on the verge of falling back asleep.

I rubbed her arm and stared at the ceiling. "Anything for you."

It was amazing how time can sometimes stand still and go by you in a blur all at the same time. When I was with Bella, it was easy to forget we didn't live in the same state anymore. We didn't have to think about the gap that separated us, we just had to _be_ and that would have been enough.

"Hey Jake! How was the trip?" Quil and Embry made their way down to the beach where I was seeking solitude. Dad must've told them where I was. That was the last time I tell anyone where I was going. I looked up and shrugged my shoulders. "All right. I got in last night."

They looked at me and I knew what question was on the tip of their tongues. "So…" Embry stuck his hands in his pockets and bounced on the balls of his feet awkwardly. I'd like to add they there were once again without shirts, only wearing cargo shorts. "Is there anyone we need to…say hello to?"

I stood up, wanting to be alone. "No." I said shortly. "She's not coming back to Forks alright? I was wrong and you guys were right. Is that what you wanted to hear? Jacob is a big fucking idiot!" I called. I knew I was out of line to say those things at my friends but I didn't care. I desperately needed an outlet and they were the first people to tap into my feelings.

Embry took a step back with Quil. "Okay man. Obviously you need some time alone so we're going to get out of here." Without another word, they both took off towards the house. I turned away and started to run again – knowing the bitter truth of it all now. I'd lost my best friend and now I'd yelled at the only friends I had. My life was a nightmare and I didn't know how to fix it.

I tried so hard to make things perfect.

Before I knew it, I was back at Charlie's house and stopped dead. The place seemed to sag with the weight of its confessions. This house had so many good memories, and so many bad ones at the same time. The police cruiser wasn't in the driveway; Charlie wasn't home. Making a split second decision, I jogged around the house and leapt up the tree that stood next to her window. I opened it easily and slipped inside.

I felt like I'd been sucked back in time. Everything was exactly how Bella left it, and I realized that everything Bella took with her, Charlie bought and replaced it. My heart ached for Charlie and I felt a strong bond with him for realizing it. For so long I'd been sucked into the idea I was the only one hurting about this. I was the only one that was missing her.

She had friends at her old school, she had Charlie…and as much as I ragged on them, Quil and Embry basically grew up with her too. Suddenly, I wasn't sad anymore – I was annoyed and upset. How could she have been so selfish and left us for so long? I sat down at her desk and smoothed my fingertips over it. I felt the grain of the wood on the pads of my fingers and reached for paper and a pen.

_Bella,_

_I've been holding this in for too long and I need to let it out. There's some things I need to say to you that I don't think you're going to like, but here it goes anyway. How could you have left your life here for something else? Believe me I know what it's like to want to see your Mom but why didn't you come back? Don't you love us anymore? I wanted you to come back. Not just for Charlie, but for me too. I don't know what I'm supposed to do without you. I try to get along but I'm so much better of a person when you're around. You're my world Bella. I thought I could get through this but I can't. I can't._

_I'm in love with you._

I leaned back in the chair and rubbed my face with an aggravated sigh. Sending her this letter wasn't going to fix anything – it wasn't going to make anything better or right. I snatched the note and shoved it in my pocket and fled from the house. I didn't stop running until I was on the cliff where several of the guys would cliff jump. Panting hard, I yanked the note from my pocket and ripped it into shreds.

I let my hands fall to my sides and the pieces of the note were picked up by the wind and carried away into the current. I felt the bits of my heart leaving with it and it killed me to see the last of my thoughts be buried in the water but maybe it was for the best.

It was for the best. I have to keep convincing myself or I'll fall to pieces.

"I need this car done before you take off, Jacob." My boss grabbed his jacket before he walked out of the shop and closed the door behind him. I rolled my eyes and flopped on the floor to slide underneath the BMW I was working on. It'd been two weeks since I'd come home from Arizona and hadn't heard a lick of anything from Bella. I was miles away from her now – nothing would bring her back.

I forced these thoughts out of my head and reached to my side for a wrench but it wasn't there. "Where the Hell is that wrench?" I sighed and cursed softly under my breath. Suddenly, the cool metal of the tool was in my palm. I slid out from underneath the car in surprise, seeing as I was the only one in the shop working overtime that night. Or so I thought.

Sitting on a bunch of old tires, was Bella.

I must have been dreaming – this has to be a dream. Soon I'm going to wake up in my own bed in my own room and she was going to be hundreds of miles away from me like always. "What the hell?" I shouted stupidly, more out of instinct that anything else.

She slid off the tires and came over to me, chuckling. "Jeeze Jake…I fly all the way back to Forks and that's the kind of greeting I get? I'm going back."

"Wait." I paused and stared at her incredulously. "What did you say? What do you mean 'fly back to Forks'?"

Her smile was as radiant as the sun and I was tempted to just scoop her up and hug her. "It means exactly what you think it means. Did you really think I was going to let you go through the last year of high school alone? I'm back, Jake. I came back and I'm going to be here for senior year."

I'm sure I was staring at her like an idiot but I couldn't help it. I didn't know what I was feeling at that moment – it was like I was dealing with a dozen different emotions at the same time. So, being the smooth guy I was, I blurted, "how did you find me?"

She grinned at me. "I went by your house first and your Dad said you were working here so he gave me directions. Sheesh, are you going to hug me or not?" She opened her arms genially but I stayed where I was. I wasn't ready to hug her yet – I still couldn't get the no communication thing out of my head.

Her smile faded. "What's wrong?"

"You're back." I said softly. "You're back and everything isn't okay. I thought that if you came back to Forks I'd be able to forgive you for this, but I can't. I'd been holding onto the idea that just having you with me would fix everything but it doesn't do anything." This came pouring out of my mouth before I could stop myself.

"I came back for you Jacob. I want us to pick up where we left off." She took another step towards me but I scoffed bitterly and that made her back up.

"Pick up where we left off?" I slammed the rag from the back pocket of my jeans onto the concrete floor in annoyance. "We'll never be the same Bella. Where the Hell where you? Every time we talk about your Mom or Arizona it seems like you drop me and when you're ready to have me again that's when you talk to me. I've given you _everything_ that I've ever had and you just shit on me! When I came to see you on that first night you ditched me and went off with that Mike guy. I came to see **you** Bella. I didn't give a fuck about your friends but you were being too self-centered and focused on that creep to notice. Well let me give it to you straight – I'm tired of this friendship being one-sided and I can't do it anymore. I'm done!"

Her hands were on her hips and her eyes were hard. "It wasn't like I left you for some rock star band groupie thing Jacob, I was going to Arizona to be with my Mother who I hadn't seen in over twelve years! Excuse me for being a little bit excited to go! I can't believe you're bringing this up now." She ran her hands through her hair and took a walk around the shop. I watched her and bit my lip, trying to think of what to say next.

"Look," she turned to face me. "You're upset now. I'm going back home and we'll talk tomorrow or something."

She opened the door to the shop and I followed silently behind her. "What are you doing?" She asked when she spotted me.

"I'm walking you to the car."

She hesitated and the Bella I'd known before Arizona was back. Just that expression of embarrassment and stubbornness was almost enough for me to forgive her. "Well I don't have a car here…per say."

I frowned. "Then how did you get here?"

"I walked from your house." She admitted, shoving her hands in the back pocket of her jeans. "Dad has the cruiser and I couldn't wait for him to get off work so…"

"You walked here? By yourself in the dark?" I asked, taking a step toward her.

She nodded and bit her lip, looking at me. "Well…yeah."

"God, you're such a fucking idiot." I sighed and pulled her into my arms for a tight embrace. She immediately hugged me back, wrapping her arms around my middle as a squeezed her sho0ulders.

"I missed you." She mumbled. Her face was pressed pretty hard into my chest so it sounded more along the lines of 'mushed joo' but I wasn't going to say anything.

"I missed you too Bells." I released her but held her shoulders. They were trembling and small in my hands and it made me sorry for yelling at her. "Let me close up the shop and I'll drive you home."

"I thought that man needed the car done before you left?" She asked.

I shrugged. "Nah. Arnold is a softie. He only sounds like an asshole."

She laughed and followed me back out to the truck and I began the way back to Charlie's house. "So…how's things with that Mike guy?" I asked curiously, trying to keep my tone light.

She shrugged and picked at a loose string on her t-shirt. "When I told him I was moving back to Forks we decided it'd probably be best if we didn't see each other anymore. He was an asshat anyway. If I had to listen to how much the football team needs him one more time I'd spew chunks all over his doc martens."

I laughed and squeezed her hand. This was it. This was the ultimate.

"What about you?" She asked. "Any special girls in the midst?"

I shook my head, immediately thinking of Jessica and the lake. "No. I'm too busy with work and everything to worry about that." The truth was I had gone out on a date with a girl named Ashley a few days before but it turned out to be a complete bust. She was only interested in going out with me to see how fat my wallet was.

"Don't worry." She said, looking out the window and smiled at me. "You'll find someone this year. I have a feeling it's going to be epic.

I snorted. "Yeah, epic."

"I'd forgotten how beautiful the stars were out here." She sighed and tucked her arms behind her head.

It was the night before school began and we were savoring every last moment we could. These past weeks had been a blur of wonderful – it was truly like nothing had changed. Bella would hang out with me while I worked on my motorcycle, we'd take walks on the beach and try to find crabs, and I'd find one and scare the shit out of Bella by chasing her with it.

"Yeah. I like to come up here and think."

"What do you think about?" She turned to look at me.

We were on the top of the highest cliff, laying on a mattress I'd put in the bed of my truck. The stars were glowing brilliantly and were all around us like a canopy. I buried down into the mattress and walked the stars twinkling, thinking about my answer. I couldn't mention all the times I'd come up here in torment over her, that wouldn't go well.

"Life…my mom." I said and I wasn't exactly lying either.

She accepted this answer and squeezed my arm. "I can't believe it's been seven years." She sighed. "It feels like yesterday and a million years ago at the same time."

"Yeah," I agreed.

I couldn't believe it'd been that long either. I also couldn't believe that I hadn't seen my sisters in about three years. Sure, I talk to them on the phone and stuff but they're too busy with their own lives to worry about mine. Rachel was in college now and Rebecca was engaged to some guy and pregnant with her first kid. Life was passing me by and I still had no idea what I wanted to do with mine.

"Truth or dare?"

Bella's question caught me off guard and I turned my head to look at her. I could see the pearly shine of her teeth in the moonlight. She was grinning like the cat who swallowed the canary and it made me laugh. "God, we haven't played that game in years."

"Nothing like today to start!" She said in a singsong voice.

"Fiine." I sighed dramatically. "You go first though. Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Where you ever in love with any of those guys you dated?" I knew it was a touchy subject and that I was walking on thin ice, but I'd been wondering for a while now. She looked back at the stars, clearly in thought. I wondered if she was deciding to lie or tell the truth.

"Yes." She said in a long sigh.

My stomach did a flip. "Who?"

"Mike."

The answer was short and bitter, like the name was acid on her tongue and she needed to get it out quickly.

"I thought he was an asshat and you couldn't stand him."

She swallowed hard and didn't look at me, her eyes staring hard at the dark sky. "He was the first guy that loved me back, Jacob. The others didn't care about me like he did. He was the longest relationship I'd had in my life and I was just shocked he was so willing to break it off when I told him I was moving back. I guess undying love can only go so far."

"That's not true." I whispered, turning to her. I was just about to confess my feelings to her when she sat up.

"We better get going…it's late and we have to get up early." She smiled but I could see the lack of light in her eyes. Even in the moonlight I could tell she was tired – more than tired. She was broken and maybe it was too much for me to fix.

"Oh…uh yeah." I opened the gate of the truck and hopped down, helping her. "Damn!" I groaned when I realized I'd jumped right into a puddle of mud. It made a disgusting slurping sound as I yanked my foot out, and Bella smirked when I stumbled backwards, clearly horrified.

"It's just a little dirt and dirt don't hurt." She teased, chanting the saying I would use when she got dirty against her will. Damn, I knew that would come to bite me in the ass someday.

"Okay smartass. Let's get you home." I tramped through the mud and opened the passenger door, helping her over the bed and into the cabin without so much as a speck of dirt. I walked around and started the engine. It roared and the tire squealed against the ground.

"Shit." I moaned.

"What?" Bella frowned and looked at me.

"God forbid we have one dry day in Forks." I murmured. "We're stick in the mud." I opened the door and climbed out. "Get in the driver's seat and try to drive out. I'm going to try and push the car our of the hole." I walked back to the bumper of the truck and lifted as Bella gave it gas.

The tires spun hard, sending a spray of mud backwards…and all over me.

"Did it work?" Bella opened the truck door and peered back at me. When she saw me, she of course, was a sympathetic friend and did what any other person would do – she burst into laughter. Major hysterics.

I stared ruefully at her. "Ha-fucking-ha."

"You…you…look like the swamp monster!" She laughed through her tears.

I charged towards her. "Okay that's it!" I grabbed her and yanked her from the truck and threw mud onto her shirt. She gasped in surprise and screeched with more laughter, throwing some back at me again, as if I needed it. This unleashed a whole round of mud slinging. I put one arm behind her back and the other behind her knees and swooped her into my in one fluid movement.

Our laughter died and I watched her face. I put her down but she stayed close to me. All I could hear were crickets and the rush of blood in my ears. I moved closer to her and put my hand on her face, moving hair away from her eyes. Our lips were so close that I could feel the heat of her breath on my lips. Just a little closer…

"We better get home." Bella's breath caught and she looked away from me. "It's really getting late."

I felt my heart being stepped on. "Right…late." I silently got into the truck and we drove home like we'd never been stuck at all.


	8. Two Steps Away

Things haven't been the same since that almost kiss on the damn mountain. I wish I could just take it back, put it deep in my pocket and try to pretend it never happened. That's the default thing people expect me to day – that it was just an accident. It didn't mean anything. It did mean something to me, and it wasn't an accident. I wanted her to feel the same way I do so much, I wanted us to be something.

"Hey Jake…" Quil came through the woods and smiled tentatively at me. Things were tense between us since I finally told him about Bella and the kiss. It happened over a month ago and Quil knew we were on edge. _If we don't talk about it, nothing happened. Nothing's changed_. I can just see Bella thinking that in her head.

"How are you?" He asked, tentatively again.

I sighed and dropped my wrench to look at him. I'd been spending much more time in the garage lately – it was nice to have my thoughts combined in this small space. "Quil…can you just – stop? I know you're trying to nice and stuff but it isn't helping. Just tell me what's going on and I'll be a lot happier."

He swallowed hard and his eyebrows creased. I know I pissed him off but I didn't care just then. No one could hurt more than I did at that moment. I wanted to scream in frustration. Everything in my life was going down the drain. Dad was acting weird, my friend's barely talked to me, and now I screwed up my friendship with Bella.

"Sorry. I just came by to…never mind." He shook his head and ran off into the trees…again. My fist slammed into the workbench and I wanted to tear my sanctuary apart all over again. My skin grew tense and hot and I wanted to run. I felt the way I did when Bella first left for Arizona and when my mother died – just this intense anger.

"Something happen Jacob?" Dad came rolling out to the garage and looked at me with one of his all-knowing looks that infuriated and comforted me at the same time.

"How'd you know?"

He smiled softly and came fully into the garage. "I caught Quil on the way out to the back. Said that you were pretty upset over something and wouldn't talk to him so…" He patted a tire and looked at me expectantly. With a long sigh, I sat down hard on the tire, wiping the sweat off my face. It was overcast and cold out – I didn't know why I was so warm.

"Maybe I'm getting sick or something – I just don't feel like myself." I tugged at my thermal shirt, the fabric seemed to be constricting and smothering now. Dad turned and looked at me with an expression I'd never seem before. He was shocked and knowing at the same time. "What?" I frowned.

"Jacob…son, there's something I need to talk to you about. You're not getting sick. Not in the way you think anyway." 

"What do you mean? How would you know?" I asked in irritation.

He swallowed and looked at me. "Do you remember when you and Bella were six or seven and you got lost in the woods? You told me about the wolf that led you home?"

"Yeah…" I wheedled, confused.

He took another big breath and I knew he was about to tell me something important. I wasn't sure I was ready to hear it – for some reason I knew it was going to change me. "When I told you I didn't know about it, I was lying to you Jake. The stories about our family and the wolves, they're true. I asked Harry Clearwater to go out and look for you. We're wolves, son."

_Am I being punked?_ I thought as I let out a laugh. "Are you joking Dad? Man, that was a good one. You did make me feel better – I have to give you that one." I stood and shook my head. "I'm going inside to shower."

"Jacob, sit down." Dad's voice was soft but full of authority.

I sat back down and his eyes bore into mine. "This is who you are, Jacob. Your mother and I wanted to hold off telling you until the fever set in…" he looked me over. "I was getting a little worried about you, since it's happened to Quil and Embry so soon."

"Wait-" I held my hand up. "Quil and Embry know about this? Quil and Embry are _wolves_?"

He nodded. "This is a very important job, Jacob. You are descendant of Ephraim Black – the chief and alpha of the pack. When it's time, you will be the one to take things over."

This was hard to wrap my brain around. I sat there for a few seconds before finally opening my mouth. "So who's alpha now?" 

The twinkle in Dad's eye gave me the answer.

"You?" I asked incredulously.

"Granted, I'm not as fast as I used to because of this monster," he patted his wheelchair, "but yes, we still go out and track the grounds a bit."

"So…so those 'poker' nights," I used air quotes, "were really running around as a bunch of dogs?"

"Wolves." He corrected with annoyance. "But yes, we were. We've always protected you and the families in our town. We take great pride in keeping this area safe from whatever may come our way." His expression grew angry.

"W-what is the 'whatever' part?" I wasn't sure I wanted to know.

He looked at me with a hard expression. "Vampires."

"What? Am I living in the twilight zone or something?" I exclaimed.

He smirked. "I'm sorry for not telling you sooner Jake, but you were too young and I couldn't risk telling you before the phasing began. Something is wrong…something is coming. That's why you're changing. We need to be prepared for anything and everything. Our friends and family are the most important and the only thing we have."

Suddenly everything began to slide into place like a puzzle. "When Mom died…" I began, staring at the garage floor as the wheels in my brain continued to turn. "When that happened, I kept seeing the same wolf. He's been here the whole time wasn't he? Harry Clearwater?"

He smiled softly. "Yes. He's been appointed your second guardian, just like I am for Leah and Seth."

"So…what now?" I asked. I knew my voice was shaking and I sounded as vulnerable as I felt. He patted my knee and smiled warmly at me and I was assured at his confidence.

"It's going to be hard to change, Jake. I'm not going to sugar-coat anything, but now that you know our secret, things are going to be a lot easier. You'll be able to be great…I know you will. You were born to do this."

I didn't know if he was being literal or not. Thousands of questions began to run through my head. _Was it going to hurt? How many vampires were we going to kill? Would I have to go into the woods and eat rabbits instead of pizza? What about Bella? Was she going to be safe? How was I going to keep this from her?_

As if he was reading my thoughts, Dad pulled me out of my reverie with a touch of my arm. "I know it's going to be hard Jacob but no one, especially Bella can know about this. We can't trust anyone except fellow werewolves with this secret. I know she's your best friend but we don't know what could happen. It needs to be a secret. Must be a secret. Do you understand?"

I looked at him, knowing what I had to do as much as I knew it will kill me. "Do you know what this means Dad? Do you even have any idea what you're asking me to do?"

His eyes were understanding. He didn't tell me anything to answer my question but I didn't need it. I knew what needed to be done and as much as it hurt it needed to happen. In order to protect my family I needed to stop talking to Bella. I needed to push her out of my life like she had been doing to me already. Maybe this was just for the best and it started for a reason.

It killed me. It hurt me so bad I couldn't breathe. I needed to though – one gulp at a time.

The lights and sounds of the local fair were unpleasantly pleasant. It'd been a month since the transformation and even though it killed me, shutting Bella out was becoming more common. Dad picked up the phone whenever it rang and since we didn't go to the same school, my days were pretty much Bella-less.

The only good thing that seemed to come out of this was my friendship with Quil and Embry was stronger than ever. They weren't just my friends now, they were my brothers. "Hey – want to go on the Incinerator again?" Embry suggested with flourish as he shoved a while paper carton of nachos into his mouth.

"Nah," I shoved my hands in the pockets of my jeans. "Quil might piss on himself."

Quil grunted in annoyance. "Okay I was NINE!" 

I laughed as Quil pushed me playfully and then I saw her – Bella walking around the carnival with her hands stuffed deep in the pocket of a hoodie. I froze and tried to look away but I couldn't. Our eyes locked before I had any hopes of looking away. Quil and Embry seemed to notice and shoved me away, but Bella came storming over to me.

"Jacob! We need to talk!" She shouted, not caring if anyone heard her.

"Stay away from him," Quil warned but she ignored him. She reached for my arm and got hold of my wrist, pulling me away from the two of them.

"Stop Bella. I don't want to talk to you." I said robotically even though her touch was bringing back everything to me in one rush of a moment.

"No. We're going to talk. What will it take for you not to run away?" Her eyes scanned around and she drug me towards the Ferris Wheel, passing everyone in line and slamming me into the chair and sitting down herself. "Sorry this is an emergency." She grunted to the attendant and the complaining people in line.

If I didn't feel this massive brick wall between us, I would've found this hilarious.

Her hair whipped around her face as we rose higher and higher in the sky. "What the Hell has been going on? I thought you were hurt or something – I've tried so many times to talk to you. If this is about that time in the truck then Jake I'm sorry-"

"Don't." I sighed and looked away from her. "It isn't about that Bella. You didn't do anything. This doesn't have anything to do with you – I just…we can't be friends. I can't see you anymore."

No part of my body was touching hers and I could still feel her trembling.

"Jake…please. You can't do this to me – we can't _not_ be together…we're partners in crime, you're my best friend. You can't do this. Please."

"You need to stay away from me Bella." I ground out. I forced myself to keep my eyes on the scenery in front of me. If I saw the pain in her eyes, I would break down. "If you come near me you're going to get hurt."

"I'm already hurt!" She exclaimed.

The Ferris Wheel shuddered and came to a stop. I mentally groaned. _Of course it would break down. Don't you know this is your luck in the fullest?_ Bella pushed my shoulder back and winced. "You're warm…like, really warm. Are you all right? I didn't think you were afraid of heights." She began as she shivered in the cool breeze.

I put my jacket around her shoulders in an instant – it's more of an accessory than anything. When you're walking around with a hundred and eight degree body temperature, wearing a thin t-shirt in the middle of winter seems a _little_ strange. "I'm fine." I replied. _Just keep your answers short and direct, the ride will be fixed soon._

I could feel Bella's eyes on me and the weight of her pain was almost too much to handle.

"Just tell me what I did wrong." She pleaded. "You told me how much it hurt when I was in Arizona and we couldn't talk – now you're doing it to me. Is this to get back at me? Like revenge? Because if it is, I'm sorry Jake. I'm so sorry. You don't know how much you mean to me. I need you."

I was so close.

I was so-fucking-close to telling her my secret.

I didn't want to tell her for any other reason other than to ease her pain. So she would know that none of this is her fault. So she'd know I'm sworn to secrecy and this has nothing to do with her. "This has nothing to do with you. I've already told you that."

"'It's not you, it's me' right? You swore you'd never use that saying when it comes to us." 

"I swore a lot of things Bella. Things are different now – more different than you can think. I want you to do something for me and you're not going to like it but right now I don't care." I swallowed hard as the ride shuddered once more and we began our descent to the ground. I closed my eyes as the wind hit my hair and sent a shiver down my back. "I want you to stay away from me. I…"

The words were so hard for me to say but I knew it was right. In my heart I knew it was the way it was supposed to be. She was shaking as I stood from the car and walked down the steps. She followed me down and turned me around. "You want what? You can't break up with me. We're a team Jacob! I can't live without you! We're the dynamic duo! When we were in the woods you promised you'd take care of me!" Her voice caught and I could see the tears falling from her soft brown eyes.

It killed me to do this to her. I knew I was about to hurt her deeply but there was no other way around it. They were after me, and they would hurt anyone that got in the way of that. Bella was fragile and vulnerable and unprotected…as much as being with her was a luxury, it was one I couldn't afford to keep.

"Well you should've thought of that before you stopped talking to me. I'm leaving Bella. Don't call, don't come by, forget I existed. Forget us – okay? Just…move on. I don't…I don't want this."

Every fiber of my being disagreed with this as I saw her expression. My stomach was in knots as I turned around and went towards Quil and Embry, trying my hardest not to cry or scream or break down…I didn't know what I was going to do. Why did I have to give up everything for something I didn't have a choice in? _That doesn't matter now. _I could hear my father's voice in my head. _The damage is done. Make it a clean break, son. Don't come running back, it'll confuse her. We have to keep pushing, we need to move on._

I swallowed hard and put on a void expression. Moving on was something I was becoming an expert at.

"C'mon Jake, it's going to be fun! It's the New Year, we should be out enjoying the break! We don't have to patrol the grounds tonight, let's enjoy it!" Quil slapped my shoulder as I slipped out of the truck with my bag slung across my chest. I ran a hand through my short hair and sighed.

"What if something happens and we're not there? They're never going to let us live it down, especially if something happens." I slammed the door and tossed the bag from my chest to the bed of the truck. Ever since the night of the ferris wheel, I'd been consumed with the pack – it was the only thing on my mind.

"I don't think they'd mind if you went out once. You haven't done anything since…" he hesitated, and I appreciated his consideration of my feelings. "Since you found out you were a wolf."

_Nice save,_ I thought as we made our way into the house. I grabbed two Cokes and popped the bottle cap of mine open with my teeth, spitting it into the garbage can.

"I hate it when you do that," Dad sighed heavily as he rolled into the kitchen. There was a smile on his face so he must not have been too disgusted. "What are you two jerks up to? Anything illegal or scandalous? Should I want to join you?" He winked at us as he took another bottle from the fridge.

"Billy, I know you're going to agree with me on this one. There's an _awesome_ party going on at John's place and Jacob doesn't want to go. He hasn't been out in ages and there's nothing going on around the grounds, he needs to get out and have some fun. He's too damn serious." 

I frowned defensively. "Did you not see what I just did?"

"Besides the point." Quil answered in a sing-song voice.

Dad grinned at the two of us and I could tell he enjoyed having the pack around. He'd always wanted a bunch of kids but never got them when Mom died. Now, all of us were his dysfunctional group of sons. "Excellent argument Quil, I can see you've been staying awake in debate class."

"Still coastin' the two-point-somethin' GPA Mr. B." He grinned, waving his hand horizontally as a prop. I rolled my eyes and took another long swig of Coke.

"Go for it." Dad finally said.

"But-" I began.

Dad held his hand up and closed his eyes to silence me. "I don't want to hear another word about it, Jake. You've been way too concerned about the pack and while that's great, I think it's time you let loose and have some fun. Balance is the key son."

I was getting really fed up with this. "How can I have balance? I have this huge secret that I'm not allowed to tell anyone – how can I build honest relationships based on a lie?"

He sighed. "Bella wasn't one of us. She couldn't know the secret because she won't understand. If you're around fellow wolves then it won't be a problem."

Dad smiled as though that was the solution to all my problems. I didn't care about people who were my 'kind'. There was no one else I wanted except the one I wasn't allowed to have. "Fine," I sighed. "I'll go but just for a couple hours. Get ahead on everything going on…networking."

Quil smirked. "Anything you say buddy. I better jet, gotta meet up with a few dogs."

"Are you including yourself in that sentence?" I teased.

"Har har." He snorted and loped out the door.

The music was blaring as I slipped past another group of people with red plastic cups in one hand and a breast or hip in the other. This wasn't the kind of party I was really thinking about attending but I made a promise to Quil and Embry to try and enjoy myself so I intended to do that. They'd been so good to me these past few weeks that I felt I owed it to them.

"You need to loosen up a bit man!" Will, one of our fellow pack members, shoved a cup full of beer in my hands. I looked at it thoughtfully and downed it in one gulp. It tasted earthy and sweet, and I instantly wanted more. I snatched two more cups from the table and downed them as well. Suddenly the party seemed much, much more exciting.

Suddenly, the familiar scent of vanilla and peonies wafted through the room and my head snapped towards it instinctively. She'd just turned her back to me when I spotted her and I almost groaned with longing and relief. Her form made its way up the stairs and I instinctively followed. It was like I was the moth and she was the flame. I knew that would never stop.

"Bella." I whispered, my eyes scanning her for anything – any sign of emotion I could continue off of.

She whirled around and her expression turned icy when she saw me. It broke my heart to associate my name with that expression. "What do you want, Jacob?" She said curtly, crossing her arms across her chest to protect herself.

"How are you?" I tried.

She rolled her eyes and swallowed. "Cut the shit Jake. Just tell me what you want."

We were surrounded by darkness and silence, a completely different atmosphere than that of downstairs. Maybe her friends had drug her along to this party just like I'd been. Maybe she was looking for an escape just as badly as I was. For once, I was speechless around her. "I…I just wanted to ask how you were."

"Fine." She replied. "Anything else?"

I looked around helplessly, trying to come up with the right words to comfort her with but nothing happened. "Please…can we go somewhere to talk? I know I don't deserve it but I just…please. I know you Bella, and I know you're the kindest person on the planet, and you'd give me a chance to explain."

I saw her resolve weaken and she walked into the first vacant bedroom. I followed along silently, thanking God for this opportunity. I had to make things right between us, we were both miserable and that wasn't right. She wasn't the same Bella I'd known, not just emotionally but physically. She was thinner, her eyes were dull, and the fullness in her face was gone. I didn't care though, it was still Bella, and I could tell she was in there even when she couldn't.

"I don't have much time, so let's make this quick." She smoothed out her skirt and folded her hands in her lap, concentrating on them.

I sat down next to her and took her hands from her lap. They were small and soft in my rough palms, milky skin against mine. "Bella…I've been waiting more than ten years to tell you this but…I love you. Not just the best friend kind of love, but the want to hold you forever kind of love. It kills me to see you with other guys – they don't deserve you…they don't see how beautiful and wonderful you are." I didn't expect all of this to come running out but I couldn't help it.

"They don't know how you tuck your hair behind your ear when you're nervous, or how when you smile, you get a small indent in your eyebrow, or how you like Wendy's spicy chicken sandwich but not the regular one. You have a freckle on your shoulder that looks like a bird…they don't know you like I do. I didn't know you were allowed to fall in love with your best friend but… I want you Bella. For every second, for every minute, every year, everything. I want you, not because I've known you all my life but because you're you." I exhaled and looked at her anxiously.

There were tears in her eyes again and my heart sunk to the carpet. This wasn't the reaction I'd been hoping for. Suddenly, she looked up at me with a smile on her face. The smile I'd always known and craved on every dreary day.

"Jake…" she whispered. "I…I love you too. More than just a friend. I thought you didn't feel the same way. I kept dating this idiots because I thought I could replace you but nothing can."

I stopped her rambling and pressed my mouth against hers. Tingles shifted through my body and I thought I would explode from nerves and excitement that finally, after ten years, I had Bella the way I'd been longing for. I felt her warm skin against mine and I knew she was wanting the same thing I was. We sunk down into the bed and I pulled her into my arms, just wanting to feel her, wanting to make sure this was real and not just a mean trick.

Only she was there with me; she was kissing me and we were making love. Nothing could top this moment – I'd never experienced anything like this in my entire life. I wanted it to hurry up and slow down at the same time. When it was over, she fell asleep in my arms just like they do in the movies. I couldn't stop looking at her or stroking her hair. This moment was one I would remember for a lifetime.

"Jacob! Jacob! Where the Hell are you?" Quil's voice boomed loudly through the house and I mentally cursed him. I slid into my jeans and opened the door, poking my head out to see where the Hell he was.

"Quil! What?" I asked in annoyance.

He raced over to me. "BIG trouble on the grounds. We need to go now. People are being killed."

I sighed and slipped into my shirt and stopped, looking at Bella. My sleeping angel. I kissed her forehead and she shifted in her sleep, smiling gently as if she knew. "I'll come back to you." I whispered gently. "Always."


	9. Slashes

**Author Note:** I just wanted to say thank you to all who have been favoriting or reviewing this story – 50 reviews, wow! I never thought I'd get this many, I just wanted to write this for me and maybe a couple people would like it but the response has been awesome. Thank you so much! I did decide to take this story to a little bit of a different place than where I wanted to go, but I'm still pleased with it and I hope you are too!

The sound of crunching leaves filled his ears as he raced down the embankment towards the river, the smell in the air filled his nostrils like a chemical. He snorted and pushed his paws into the soft soil harder, propelling him faster north. He knew Quil and Embry weren't far behind him, but he couldn't afford to wait for them. The bloodsucker was leading them away from Forks and deeper into the city.

They couldn't afford for this creature to sustain more unnecessary damage. _C'mon guys, push harder. We're almost there._ He scrambled past the few remaining trees and followed the vampire into an abandoned warehouse. Jacob snarled and looked around wildly in hopes of seeing where the vermin had gone.

"Over here, dog." It's voice was like nails on a chalkboard to him as Jacob barreled forward and tackled the vampire to the ground. It snarled and opened her mouth to reveal sharp fangs. The hatred of her rose in his stomach. _This is for taking Bella away from me for so long. This is for making me lie to her when I'd never done it before in my life. For taking me away from her when that moment was so perfect!_ He bared his teeth and sunk his massive head towards her throat.

"Do it." She whispered, a sly smile on her face. "See what happens when you kill me, dog. They'll come after you and everyone you love. We'll follow you. We're everywhere."

He snorted in disbelief. He wished he could prove her wrong with words, but that would never have made a difference anyway. His head sunk deeper, the smell of her skin was nauseating and made his fur stand on end.

"You might want to consider your precious Bella." She snarled.

Quil and Embry burst through the opening growling and snarling in our direction. _What are you waiting for man?_ Quil's voice filled his head but he couldn't think of anything but this vampire's words. Her curls spread across her shoulders, a bright tinge of fire against her pale skin. Her head lifted close to his, her red eyes bore into his. "I can read your thoughts, dog. Don't think we wouldn't. Stay away from us."

Another grin from her and his anger and hatred for this leech mounted further. He thought of Bella, seeing her sleeping face next to his and he couldn't do anything to risk this for her. He knew he needed to leave Forks, the gravity of this choice would come crashing down on him later but he couldn't let this show in his eyes. With a earth shaking snarl, his jaw came down and bit, pulling the vampire's throat out and tossing it aside. It's eyes were distant and still, Quil and Embry howled in celebration.

_Meet me in the back._ He told them and took off, phasing back into his human form and slipping into his clothes. Quil and Embry followed suit, appearing in the back in jeans and a simple tee shirts.

"We nailed that son of a sucker!" Embry shouted, giving Quil a high five. "Way to go Jake!"

He shoved his hands in his jeans and bit his lip. "I need to get out of here guys. Someone else needs to be Alpha."

"What are you talking about man?" Quil frowned.

He didn't know how to explain to his best friends that he couldn't live there anymore, he couldn't be their friend or they'd get hurt. "That bloodsucker. She said she has people all around and they're going to hurt Bella. I can't have that happen. Their vengeance is with me – I need to stay away from the people I care about so no one else gets hurt."

"You're going to listen to what that bitch says?" Quil exploded. "Are you fucking crazy?"

"Maybe I am – but I can't take any chances. I know you guys will protect her. I have to go. When everything is okay I'll come back. Give me a month or two. Tops. I'll be back." All of us knew that was a lie. I probably wouldn't be back for the rest of my life.

"Think about what you're doing Jacob." Embry stated. "You just got her back and now you're leaving? She's going to feel like shirt when she wakes up."

So they knew. Of course they did, they can read my thoughts. "I know. But I'd rather her hurt for a bit than never get to experience life. I promised I'd never hurt her and I'm keeping that promise. It's going to kill me but she's safe her. Just tell her that I love her and I never meant to hurt her. Tell Dad too."

"What are we supposed to say?" Quil asked, his annoyance growing.

"Tell them…tell her I died. Animal attack or something, Make it clean. It won't hurt as much."

I couldn't look at them anymore, I'd break down and they didn't need to have that be their last image of me. They were my brothers, blood or not, and I knew they would keep Bella as safe as they could until she got out of Forks. With a quick turn I took off east, not having any direction or plan but In knew this was the right thing, no matter how much it killed.

**Seven years later**

"Hey Bella, what do you think about this dress for dinner?" Alice turned around, pressing a periwinkle dress against her slender form. Bella barely saw her, she just stared forward and nodded vacantly.

"Yeah, that looks great."

"I was thinking about these shoes and my silver charm bracelet too." She explained.

She nodded again. "Sounds awesome Alice. You'll look amazing in anything."

Alice paused and stared at her. "And I'm thinking about telling you that your Mom is totally hot and I'm thinking about doing her over summer break."

"Ye-wait what?" She sat up and tucked her dark brown hair behind her ear and slipped into her high heels.

"Something's going on with you today." Alice walked over and took a seat next to her and put a hand on her back. She and Bella met in their first year of college and became best friends quickly. She picked up the pieces that Jake left and made her feel semi-alive again. Alice still didn't know the whole story about Jacob and Bella wasn't sure she was really ready to bring up that wound yet.

"I'm okay…didn't get a lot of sleep last night and I have a bunch of projects due for work so I'm going to head out. Good luck at dinner." She gave a small smile and hugged her. Alice hadn't been able to stop talking about this dinner she was having with her boyfriend, hopefully soon to be fiancé, Jasper. She grabbed her bag and hurried out of their apartment and towards her office.

It was a beautiful morning, about seventy degrees with the sun shining and a light breeze whipping her hair behind her face. She knew she should feel fortunate. She was a successful realtor in the Seattle metropolis, sharing an apartment with the best friend someone could ask for, and could have any guy she wanted. She was beyond beautiful, with dark chestnut hair that fell into natural ringlets around her shoulders, creamy pale skin, and deep brown eyes that twinkled when she smiled.

None of these things mattered. She was flawed. It'd been seven years and she still hadn't gotten over what happened. One minute Jacob was there and the next he…wasn't. "Good morning Lee." Bella smiled at her receptionist and disappeared into the sanctuary of her office. She slipped off her jacket and sat down at her desk, playing the messages on her machine.

"Hello Isabella, this is Maureen York. I have a client here who's interested in the property on Wilson…"

_She woke up cold. Shivering she pulled herself to the spot Jacob used to be, but he was gone. She sat up and pulled her clothes back on and went downstairs. Maybe he was getting something to drink. The house was empty, trash everywhere and not a soul in sight._

"_Jacob?" She called out tentatively._

_No answer. Panic rose in her chest as she searched the rooms for any sign of him. Hard footsteps on the porch led her to the front door where she saw Quil and Embry. "Guys! Do you know where Jake is? I can't find him anywhere."_

_They looked at each other nervously._

_Her smile faltered. "What?"_

"_Jake…uh…"_

"_What? Tell me – where is he?"_

_Quil took a deep breath and took a few more steps towards her. "There's been a really bad accident Bella. We were out in the woods just messing around and a wolf or something came up and got Jacob. He didn't make it."_

_Bella burst into laughter. "Good one guys. Really. Now where is he? I want to congratulate him on being a jackass."_

_Their somber faces scared Bella. She'd never known them to be serious for this long. "You are joking right? I mean this is all just for a laugh!" Her voice was edging towards hysteria. "You have to be joking around because he was just here with me a couple of hours ago. He was here and I was here and we were together. You're just pulling my leg."_

_Embry pulled her into a hug and she pushed against his chest. "No! No you're joking! He's not gone! He's not! What the fuck were you thinking Jacob! What were you thinking?" Her fists were beating against Embry in a vicious rage. How could this happen to her when they finally were together? They finally figured this out…_

_Her knees buckled from underneath her and she sank into the cold dirt, her hands covering her face._

"_We called Charlie." Quil said softly. "He's going to be here soon to get you."_

_She continually shook her head, in utter disbelief at the injustice of this. How did this get so broken? There was nothing left for her, nothing she could run to. The only arms that were waiting for her were now cold and maimed. "No! Jacob no!" She screamed. _

_Her father's arms closed around her and lifted her to her feet before she'd even realized she was vertical. "I loved him. I loved him more than anything…" Her words were muffled by the severe exhaustion that was setting into her body. All she wanted to do then was sleep and never wake up. She would never rise and see her sun again – everything was permanently dark and grey._

"Ms. Swan?" Lee leaned in over her in concern. "I have those new property listings you wanted – are you okay? You look a little ill."

She swallowed and looked up at her secretary and forced a smile. "No, thank you Lee for those. I'm fine. Just haven't been sleeping very well lately. Thank you so much." She took the papers from her and watched as Lee closed the door and exhaled deeply as she did so.

_Come on Bella…pull yourself together. You need to let this go. It's been seven years…two thousand, five hundred and fifty fife days. It's done with and he would've wanted you to live your life to the fullest._ She took a deep breath and looked down at the newest properties.

"No way." She breathed as her eyes fell on Billy Black's old home. She popped up and hurried out to the lobby where Lee was busily typing away on her computer. "Lee," she said breathlessly. "Do you have more information on this house?"

She looked it over and nodded. "Sure. It's right here. It looks like the owner passed away a couple days ago and his daughters wanted to sell to place. I'm sure it holds too many hard memories to keep." She smiled sadly. Bella's mind was racing a mile a minute.

_Rachel and Rebecca. I have to go and say my respects, they just lost the only other family member they had left._ Her heart panged for them as she went back in her office and stared at the phone number listed on the sheet. She debated calling first, but she was so anxious to see them she couldn't wait. She could always fit a visit with her father in there as well. Charlie retired from the force a year ago and had nothing but spare time on his hands. She was sure he would enjoy the visit just as much as she would.

Maybe this would be a good time to get closure. These thoughts went through her mind as she tried to make it through the rest of her work day. She hadn't been back to Forks since the day she turned eighteen. For her own sanity, she needed to get out and live her own life outside of Jacob.

She walked home quickly and went straight to her room to pack a small overnight bag. Alice was presumably with Jasper or still at work so she knew she had some time. Bella took a fast shower and slipped into a shirt and her most favorite pair of jeans. She shoved some more clothes in her bag and slung it over her shoulder as she heard the door open and close. _Shit!_ She thought as she went into the living room.

"Alice! What are you doing here?" She blurted.

She ignored this comment and bounced happily over to Bella, showing her left hand. A gorgeous diamond ring sparkled on her ring finger. Bella's mouth fell open and she gasped. "Where did you get that?"

"The dinner was just a hoax! He showed up at my job with flowers and the ring was on one of the stems. I said yes and we're going out to dinner tonight to celebrate! You have to come Bells – he's bringing his roommate Edward along!"

She hesitated for a moment but smiled at her. Alice had been there for her so many times that she couldn't _not_ be there for her now in her time of happiness. She would just go to this dinner and leave first thing tomorrow morning. _Thank God I found out about this today – it's Friday._ "Of course Alice…let me just get changed. When are they coming?"

"They'll be here in about a half an hour!" She twirled around the living room and pranced happily into her room, singing the entire way. Bella smiled at her friend as she went to her closet to try and find something decent to wear. She wanted this so badly for herself. She wanted to be the one showing off a ring, or dancing around the living room in an unbreakable state of joy.

_Go to this dinner, _she told herself, _go to the dinner and enjoy yourself. Tomorrow you'll get the closure you wanted and your life will begin._

She nodded and slipped into a beautiful marigold colored dress and let her hair fall from the ponytail. It spilled onto her shoulders and she pinned it back with a sunflower clip. She looked at herself in the mirror and shrugged. This was as good as it was going to get.

The doorbell rang and she went to the door but Alice beat her to it. She grinned cheekily at her and opened it. "Hey guys! Come on in! Hi honey." She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him tenderly. It was easy to see the love reciprocated in Jasper's eyes.

A throat cleared and Jasper turned to the door. "This is my roommate Edward. Edward, this is my fiancé Alice and her roommate Bella Swan." Jasper walked Edward into the room and Bella smiled at him. He had a strong chin, deep emerald eyes, with bronze hair and an intense expression. His jaw was set but not in an unkind way, just strong.

"Nice to meet you Edward." Bella extended her hand. Edward took it, nodding his head.

"Pleasure to meet you as well, Bella."

Alice beamed as if she had planned this all along. Bella wouldn't have been surprised if she had. She was always trying to play match maker and fix Bella's life. She knew Alice meant well, she was so happy with life and wanted Bella to have the same. She knew Alice would back off if she knew the truth. "Let's go, I'm starving!"

The four of them piled into Jasper's car and drove to a beautiful restaurant overlooking the ocean. They were seated and Alice watched Bella and Edward with uncharacteristically intense eyes. "Uh, Jasper? I think I left something in the car. Will you go with me to get it?"

_Nice, Alice. _She thought with a smirk. Bless her.

Jasper, who had been in the middle of stuffing a roll into his mouth, looked at her in surprise. "Wut?"

Alice looked at him impatiently. "Me. You. Car. Purse." She stood and snatched his elbow and pulled him to his feet. They walked away from the table as Bella smiled down at the table, stirring her drink with her straw.

"Strong one, your friend." Edward commented.

Bella chuckled softly. "She might be short but she's feisty. Jasper is pretty terrified of her."

"I don't blame him." He smiled back. Their eyes met and she smiled at him, feeling a familiar spark that she hadn't felt in a long time. She looked away and sat straighter in her chair. Edward seemed to notice and cleared his throat again. "I've never done something like this before. I'm sorry if I'm mking you feel uncomfortable…"

"No, that's not it at all, I'm just in the middle of a rough time." She explained.

Edward nodded as if he'd heard this line a million times before. For a moment she did feel sympathy for him. "Nasty break up?"

"Something like that."

"I've been there." He nodded and took a long drink of water.

She was oddly intrigued. There was something about him that she wanted to get to know, some kind of spark she was interested to know in him. On that same not she had the urge to tell him everything – about Forks, about Jacob, about how much her heart was hurting…

"So tell me about yourself?" Edward asked.

She smiled, blushing. "There's really not much to know. I'm the 'what you see is what you get' type of girl."

He nodded, considering. "Hmm, you seem more like a 'can't judge a book by it's cover' kind to me. I giess I should start paying more attention."

Was it weird that she liked this guy? Hanging around him seemed to be easy for her. It hadn't been like this with someone else since Jacob and most recently Alice. She felt her heart begin to thud hard against her chest. "Um, so about me…I like to read old classics, I like the rain and hot chocolate, and I try to sell people houses for a living. I'm not that good at it though…yet anyway." She smiled. "What about you?"

"Twenty something with a flare for music and guitar hero…working in the advertising business. You can see my billboard for Bob's Big Belly Busters everywhere." He nodded. "Well…only on the five…and if you squint."

She laughed, actually laughed. "I'm sure your job is important too."

Alice and Jasper returned, Alice beaming once more. Bella was sure she'd been snooping on them and for once, Bella didn't mind. Why hadn't she met Edward before? She didn't think Jasper had a roommate because he still lived with…she froze. Suddenly, it was all coming back to her in the full puzzle instead of just pieces.

"Alice," she whispered.

"Yes?"

"I thought you said Jasper was still living at home? How, pray tell, could he have a roommate when he's at home?"

"Uh." She knew she'd been caught, so she smiled sheepishly. "Okay, so I told a little white lie. But look at how much fun you're having! I haven't heard you laugh in a couple days now! Edward is one of Jasper's coworkers and I knew you'd like him. Just don't get mad and give him a change? Please?" She folded her hands and looked at her pleadingly.

"Fine." Bella whispered back. "Just next time be honest with me, okay? I can handle the truth."

"Deal."

The rest of the evening was uneventful. Bella was enjoying the fabulous meal, and she didn't think Edward felt as brave with Alice and Jasper around than he did when they were alone. Bella did have to admit that it felt good to hang out with friends and act normal for once. Before she knew it, they were back at their apartment.

"Thanks for coming, Edward." She smiled at him.

"Thank you for coming as well Bella. I think it would've been pretty awkward if you hadn't." He smiled and leaned in a little closer.

She hesitated. "Uh…you're great and all Edward, but I just…I need some time? Okay?"

"Time…yeah, of course. Well, maybe I'll see you around Bella." He bowed his head and descended down the steps.

She sighed and kicked off her shoes. Alice was spending time with Jasper and she had the apartment all to herself – the last thing she wanted. She glanced at the clock. Was it really only eight fifteen? Bella finally hoisted herself up and into her room then proceeded to flop down on the bed. The faster she went to sleep, the faster she could drive back to Forks.

If someone had told her she'd someday be excited about going back to Forks, she would've laughed her ass off.


	10. Buried Truths

**Author Notes: **Once again, thank you for the reviews and love. I so appreciate it! Sorry this one is a little short, but I had a good time writing it!

As she pulled up the gravel driveway of her childhood home, she felt the tingle of butterflies in her stomach. She was so sure she'd never be here again that seeing it again so soon gave her chills.

"Bells." Charlie stepped off the porch and laughed as he helped her from the car and hugged her. She held him close to her, comforted that he still smelled the same way he had when she was a kid. "I've missed you so much kiddo. I'm so glad you decided to come down here."

She smiled. "Thanks Dad, I am too."

"Are you hungry? I made breakfast." He took her bag from her and walked her up the stairs and into the house. It was like a rush of nostalgia when she saw it – she might have never left seven years ago. "Bella? Still love bacon and waffles?"

"Yeah," she stumbled over her words and smiled at him. "Bacon and waffles…that sounds great."

Charlie led her tenderly in the kitchen and sat her down. The smell was wonderful and made her realize how hungry she actually was. He put two plates on the table and sat down. "How is everything? I mean besides the obvious."

"The question I want to ask is how are _you_ Dad." She smiled understandingly. Billy was Charlie's best friend and she knew that she considered Jacob a son he'd never had. "I'm sorry I haven't been down here more often." She really was sorry, she'd forgotten how comforted she'd felt in this house.

Charlie reached out and took her hand. "Thank you Bells. It's been hard, but I'm living. Harry has been wonderful…and the guys at the station. I haven't been able to get up to his house but I'm sure the girls will be coming up from California to take a peek."

"You don't know?" She blurted, surprised.

He frowned, evidently as surprised as she was. "What do you mean?"

"Well," she hesitated. "One of the reasons I'm down here…since I'm a realtor I get a sneak peek at all the properties coming up…nothing is set in stone yet but I wanted to come down here and maybe get some closure. Rebecca and Rachel don't know I'm coming but I thought I could just drop by really quick."

"You want to sell the house for them?"

She shook her head quickly. "No…no. I just wanted to go down there and look at his room or maybe see what the house looks like. I-I don't know." Tears began to spill down her cheeks and she swiped at them in embarrassment. Charlie's chair scraped against the linoleum and he was next to her in a second.

"Oh Bells…I know you miss him. It was so hard when the accident happened. I'm not sure how they're going to react, but if you need to do this then I think you should. I'm sure Billy or Jacob wouldn't want you to be in so much pain." He squeezed her shoulders tenderly.

"Thanks Dad." She smiled gratefully and looked at the clock. _Nine forty five_. "I better get going since it takes a bit to get there. I'll call you when I arrive…thanks for breakfast." She kissed his cheek. "I love you."

He smiled. "I love you too Bells. Be careful."

"I will."

She picked up her keys and went out to her car and climbed in, her stomach full of butterflies once again. _Can you do this? Are you really prepared?_ She turned the key and heard the purr of the engine, thinking of Jacob immediately. _Yes. I am._

Time hadn't even touched the Black household when Bella pulled into the dirt drive. She climbed out of the car and shivered, forgetting how cold December could be in Forks. She wrapped her coat around herself tighter and looked around the lot and spotted Jacob's sanctuary, the garage. A lump formed in her throat as she remembered all the times she'd laughed with him, watched him working on the bikes, and seeing the small nerves in his hands twitch as he fixed a piece of intricate wiring.

She walked up the steps and hesitated with her knuckles facing the door, ready to knock. Taking a deep breath and faking a calm she did not at all feel, she knocked. She could hear footsteps on the other side of the door when a beautiful woman with Jacob's eyes answered the door. Bella knew her instantly as Rachel.

"Can I help-" She paused as she watched Bella's face and her expression changed with recognition. "Isabella Swan?"

"Hi Rachel…" She said softly, shifting her weight from one foot to the other awkwardly. "I…I just wanted to come by and pay my respects for the passing of your Dad."

Rachel wedged herself between the opening and the doorjamb as if she didn't want Bella to see inside. "Thank you Bella. That's really nice of you. Thanks for stopping by."

"Who is it?" Another female voice asked and came to the door, opening it all the way. Rebecca did a double take and a smile stretched across her face, totally changing her beauty from lovely to stunning. She realized she had Jacob's smile and it made Bella's heart hurt. "Bella! Oh my God!" She made a run at her and enveloped her in a hard hug.

Bella hugged her back and closed her eyes, reveling in the warmth radiating from her. It felt good to be back here, being hugged by someone so close to Jake. "I'm sorry I came by unexpectedly…" Bella stammered. "I'm a realtor and I got news about the house and I just had to stop by. I'm sorry."

"Rebecca…we have a lot of work to do." Rachel said through gritted teeth as she looked nervously at her sister.

Bella sensed the tension immediately and her cheeks burned from the shock and embarrassment. Of course Rachel would be upset with Bella coming here without invitation. Bella had been a complete ass to Jacob so many times…she was the one that kept Jake from moving back to California. It was her fault he was gone.

"We do have some work to do, but there's something I found and I think he would've wanted you to have it." Rebecca didn't even have to mention Jake's name for her to know the meaning behind it. Bella smiled gratefully at her.

"You can come in Bella." Rebecca moved her sister aside to let her in.

Rachel tensed even further. "I don't think this is a good idea Rebecca."

"I can wait outside, really." Bella stuttered and began to make her way back to the door.

"Rach, what do you want to do with these?"

Bella whirled around and met the face of Jacob in the doorway. The two of them froze. "Jacob?" Bella's voice was no more than a whisper on the wind. She felt her knees giving out underneath her and the feeling of the world spinning while she was standing still was almost too much for her to handle.

He didn't say anything, just stood there with a box in his hands.

"Oh my God." She breathed, her voice on the verge of hysteria. "Oh my God! I thought you were dead!" She screamed and barreled at him, hitting his chest repeatedly. Jacob calmly took her wrists and held them away from his body, looking in her eyes. She was more than livid – she didn't know what to think. She had the world's ultimate head rush.

"You KILLED me Jacob! How could you do this to me! Seven fucking years! I've been dying inside for nothing!" Her screaming was breaking down into sobs. "I thought you died in pain and alone. I thought you died without me with you, I thought I'd never to the chance to say goodbye to you!" When she saw his blank face, she grew angry again. "Say something you son of a bitch!"

"You need to go home, Bella."

Her eyebrows furrowed in shock and confusion. "What?"

"Go home and don't come back."

She looked from him to his sisters, desperate for confirmation. "Who knows about this? Am I the only one in the dark? Ha ha, the joke's on Bella?"

Rachel and Rebecca looked at each other and back at Bella. "We obviously knew Bella, but…he hasn't been here long. He just came to get some things Dad wanted him to have. You don't understand that this is part of our family-"

"Keeping secrets is part of your family? Putting people through such a deep personal Hell?"

Her anger once again dissolved as she stared at the man she once loved with all of her being – the man who got her most sacred and important part of her body and heart. "I don't know you anymore." She whispered. "I don't think I ever did."

With that, she hurried out of the house and away from Jacob, who she thought she'd lost but he'd been there from the beginning – hiding in plain sight.

She didn't say anything to Charlie when she returned to the house. She immediately went up to her room and crawled under her covers and wanted to hide in this safe place for the rest of her life. She felt so lost, so confused, so betrayed. Why did he feel the need to pull the wool over her eyes so tight?

"Bells?" Her father's voice was soft and tentative as he knocked on the door. "I take it things didn't go well at the Black's…do-" Bella heard the hitch of uncertainty in his voice. He'd never been good at talking through the emotions well. "Do you want to talk?"

"No Dad…I just need to lie down right now. I'll be down later."

"Uh, okay. Just holler if you need anything."

A few solid footsteps later, he was gone. She buried her face in her pillow and breathed in the familiar scent of Charlie's tried and true detergent. It comforted her and she closed her eyes, her breathing slowing down. Before she could even think about anything more, she drifted off into a fitful sleep.

"You just got here Bells." Charlie protested.

She smiled softly as she closed the trunk. "I've been here for five days, Dad. I need to go back to work and my life. Things need to be back to normal for me so I can get back to normal." She gave him a hug. "You'll have to come back up sometime. Alice misses your delectable cooking."

He snorted. "Tell her I'll bring TWO cans of Spagetti-O's next time…an extra for that fiancé of hers."

"I'll be sure to report that." She smiled and hugged him once more before getting into her car. "I love you."

"I love you too baby. Drive safe…call me when you get there."

"I will." She promised.

The drive was long and uneventful, she cranked up the radio to push out the vision of Jacob standing there in the doorway with that shocked expression on his face. Everything came rushing back to her in an instant. All of the almost kisses, the hanging out in the garage, the late night phone calls when they were supposed to be in bed, and the laughter. Oh God, he could make her laugh.

She parked and walked up the steps in a zombie-like state. Her foot hit something hard and she nearly stumbled. "What the-Jacob?"

He stood from the landing and looked at her. "Hey…"

"What are you doing here?" She pushed past him and fumbled with the right key and put it in the lock with shaking fingers then turned. "Wait – how did you know where I lived? How did you even get here?" She was so used to him knowing everything about her that at first it hadn't come as a surprise he was there.

"I followed you." He said simply.

Bella looked around the apartment in confusion. "But there's no cars or bikes around the area…"

"We need to talk, okay? I really need to just talk to you."

"Fine…come in." She pushed open the door and stepped aside to let him in. He did and Bella caught the familiar scent of his cologne that almost sent her tumbling. "Do you want anything to drink? We have tea, water, blueberry pomegranate juice-"

A small smile played across his lips. "My favorite."

Bella crossed her arms against her chest. "I always keep it just in case…" She turned her back to him and went into the kitchen. "Christ I never thought I'd actually offer you a glass someday."

He chuckled, but Bella wasn't in the mood for pleasantries. "What were you trying to accomplish Jacob? Did you want to hurt me so badly that you decided your death would really fuck me over? When Quil and Embry told me, were you in the trees laughing your ass off?" 

"No!" He said in surprise. "God, no. Bella…I never meant for it to get this way. I never wanted things to end how they did." He took another step forward. "It was to protect you. Everything I've ever done in my life was to protect you."

"What? Leaving me after screwing me and feigning a death is protecting me?" Her anger was raring its ugly head again and she didn't care. She wanted to shake him hard to put even a second's perception ion his head of what he did to her. He wasn't making any sense at all and it infuriated her.

Jacob closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I'm a wolf, Bella. A shape-shifter to be more exact. I can turn into a wolf."

She laughed. "At this point, I'm not even surprised you're telling me this. More lies, Jacob? What next? You're going to tell me you're the fricken Messiah?"

"Is anyone here right now?" He started unbuttoning his shirt.

"I think you're moving way too fast for us Jacob." Bella backed away from him. "You were right, we should be separate and live our own lives…"

There was a loud rip and standing in her living room was a wolf. At least six and a half feet tall, breathing inches from her face. She swallowed hard and stared into its face and saw the eyes. His eyes were Jacob's…staring back at her with the kind of love and sorrow she'd been feeling all these years. Was this the secret he'd been forced to hide from her? Why couldn't he say anything before?

She turned away as he phased back into human form and slipped back into his clothes. "I wanted to tell you Bella. You don't know how badly I wanted to tell you this secret, but it wasn't mine to share. My dad was the Alpha…the head of the pack. He forbade me to tell anyone."

"How can you tell me now then?" Her voice was quiet and unsteady.

Jacob swallowed hard and couldn't look anywhere but the floor. "Since his passing…I became the Alpha. And because of that, I can tell whoever I want. It's under my full discretion."

Bella put her head in her hands. "I don't know what to say – how can this be happening? Why did you run?"

"There's one more detail."

She looked at him warily. "What might that be?"

"Vampires."

Her eyes widened. "What? Vampires? This can't be happening! Are you serious?"

"I wish I was. They are the only things we kill. They hurt humans, Bella. After that night at the party, there was one close to us so we thought we could take her down and come back before sunrise. They have spies all over and they would have killed you if I stayed close."

"You could've protected me." Bella said simply without a moment's hesitation. She had full trust in him with her life.

He smiled softly. "I couldn't take the risk, Bella. If they decided to come for you, yes we would've fought, but they could have brought hundreds with them. So many would've died and I couldn't risk it. As much as I loved you, I couldn't justify it. I knew you would've tried to come for me if Quil and Embry told you I'd just run away, so death seemed like the only option. I'm so sorry Bella. I never meant to hurt you or make you unhappy. I was doing it for you – I needed to be unselfish for once and let you go."

"You've always been unselfish, Jake." She said softly.

His face moved closer to hers and their lips almost met when Jacob's head flew up.

"What?" Bella asked nervously.

"Shhh." He put his hand on her knee and looked around the room, nostrils flaring. "There's a vampire nearby. It's coming here. Quick, we need to run."

"No! Alice will be home any minute…I can't risk her life – please Jake!"

Another moment's hesitation and he finally nodded. "I'll be nearby. Hide and don't move until I come for you. Do you understand?"

She nodded as Jacob flew from the residence and into the back lot. Shaking, Bella locked the door behind him and sat in the corner of the living room, trembling and hiding her face in her arms. She said a silent prayer for herself, Alice, and Jacob when a scuffle on the carpet sent a chill up her spine. _The back door. She'd forgotten to lock the back door._

Squeezing her eyes shut and opening them, she looked up.

"Edward." She breathed.


	11. It Comes Back Around

**Author Notes:** Once again, thank you for the love I've gotten from this story, I really appreciate it! I'm glad you guys are enjoying reading it as much as I am writing. I have also been recording this story as an 'audiobook' of sorts and it is on YouTube for anyone interested. I'm only on chapter five but hopefully I'll catch up soon.

Edward inched towards her, the intense stare scared Bella more than anything in her life. She could see his eyes glimmering red even in the approaching night. He paused and closed his eyes, breathing in deeply and gave her a wide smile. Bella's fear was paramount, and she knew he sensed it.

"Bella," he practically moaned, "we could be so wonderful together." 

She swallowed and looked out the window and ached for Jacob. "No." She whispered.

Edward's red eyes flashed with anger. "What?"

"No." She said again and she struggled to her feet. _Jake, where are you? _"I want you to leave." Bella was shocked her voice sounded remotely steady compared to the mess that was happening in her head. He moved towards her and she felt the clique of her life passing before her start to happen.

"Now Bella," his tone was condescending, "you know I'm not going to leave. Not with what I came for, at least."

"What did you come for?" She asked breathlessly and immediately regretting asking.

The crooked grin on his face made her want to throw up. "You. From the moment I saw you, I knew that I wanted your blood more than anything in the world. You must know that anything I want, I get regardless of the consequences."

"I'll…I'll scream!"

He cupped her jaw with his hand, such a sweet gesture that now turned her stomach. "Oh honey, you'll be dead before you can even speak the words."

He leaned down towards her throat and she closed her eyes, expecting the end. _I love you Jacob._ She thought. His cold breath was lingering on her neck and it made her sick to her stomach. There was a loud crash and a sickening growl. She was blasted backwards and watched as a russet-colored wolf leapt onto Edward and pinned him to the ground with his massive paws.

They stared into each other's eyes for a moment and Edward said 'Victoria' in a terse growl. The cold air from the broken door was coming in and Bella began to shiver. Jacob snarled again and bent his head, ripping Edward's throat out easily. Bella gasped and turned away, now trembling from more than just the cold.

She felt something wet touch her arm and she jumped, looking over and Jacob, still in wolf form, laying by her. She sniffed and buried her face in the wolf's neck and the warmth from his body was just the right comfort she needed. There was rustling when Alice stepped through the door.

Jacob growled and stood.

"No! Jacob she's my friend!"

The look in Jacob's eyes told her everything. _She's not your friend, she's a vampire._ Bella saw Alice's mouth open and a pair of dainty fangs poked from her mouth. "No! Please Alice! Jacob!" It was the final plea she could think of. "Don't do this I love both of you!"

The pair of them looked her broken form.

"Stay out of this Bella." Alice said, her sweet voice now dripping with anger and venom. "Edward. You killed my brother."

"Brother?" Bella stuttered, trying to get over the shock. "You said…"

"Fuck what I said!" She snarled and lunged at Jacob. He knocked her down with one of his paws easily and held her to the ground when Bella thrust herself towards them. "You can't do this! I don't want you to kill her Jacob! Please she's the only friend I have left!"

Alice glared at Jacob. "I'm not running with Victoria and her disgusting little crew. She ruined Edward's life." They stared at each other a few more moments and he let her up and blasted through the door. Night had fallen and darkness was quickly flooding the apartment. Alice turned on the light and looked at Bella.

"He's going to phase back."

She was staring at Alice with a little trepidation and fear. "Why…how…"

"How I could stand to live with you and not drink your blood?" She smirked. Bella swallowed as Jacob returned through the door, fully clothed and a serious look on his face. He winced as he came over to Bella. Alice had the same look on her face.

"Someone needs to take out the trash."

Bella looked towards the kitchen. "Sorry, I forgot this morning I was in a hurry-"

"I would but it's a heavy load." Jacob retorted, looking at Alice angrily. It was then that Bella realized they were talking about each other. She crossed her arms in front of herself and swallowed uneasily.

"What's going on?" She blurted. "Who's Victoria?"

"She's the queen bee of the vampire colony, spare the Volturi." Alice spat, looking more angry than she'd ever seen her before. "She recruited Edward decades ago and he's been trapped ever since. She tortured him and made him into her little plaything. Then she told him about you, Bella and how he had to kill you."

Jacob tensed next to her and Bella's mouth fell open. "M-me? Why?"

Alice's eyes turned to Jacob. "The dog came back. The deal was they would leave you alone if _he_ never came back to Forks. Obviously the little runt couldn't help himself."

"Pot calling the kettle black." Jacob sneered. "Blood sucking midget."

"Stop!" Bella shouted. "What? Are there more? Who's after me?"

"They're never going to stop now that he broke his end of the bargain. You need to leave and never come back. I mean it – never come back again. It's not too late. They still don't know anything. I can persuade them…they haven't picked a new leader yet – that could take decades. Edward's death will be lost on them." She glared at Jacob. "If I ever see you again…just watch your back."

Jacob stepped forward and Bella grabbed his arm. "What about you? What are they going to do when they find out you told us all this?"

"I'll be fine." She said shortly. "Get out of here. Now."

Jacob put his strong arm around Bella's waist and started to lead her out. Bella looked back to see Alice crouching by Edward and it hurt her heart to leave her but she knew she didn't have a choice. She needed to leave this life behind and start a new one. A new life with Jacob. It was hard to wrap her head around that as they drove off.

"Where are we going to go?" She asked softly.

Jacob took her hand in his and kissed her fingers. "We're going to leave for a little while Bella, but we're going to come back to Forks. I'm not going to take you away from your home because of something I did."

"We're not safe in Forks, Jake."

Jacob turned onto the highway. "You heard what the vampire said. It will take centuries. It isn't fair to you."

"I thought you couldn't trust vampires?"

Jacob's grin calmed her like a warm blanket after being caught in a rain storm. "You did."

This didn't calm her like it should have. "They're strong, Jacob. What if she's mistaken and they really are after us? We can't come back to Forks…ever." The gravity of this was finally laying itself thick on top of her. She would never see her father again. He would die someday without seeing his daughter…he'd begged her to stay just this morning and now she would have given anything to have agreed.

"I'm sorry." Jacob whispered, gripping the wheel. "I shouldn't have come back. I should have let you live your life without knowing the truth – now I've ruing everything because I was selfish. I just wanted to come by that one last time to see…" His voice trailed off and she knew he went to La Push to see the house one more time. To be in the garage, to hold his father's things before it was all lost to time.

"Live my life?" She asked and shook her head. "Jacob, I had no life without you. I was on autopilot. I was existing but that was pretty much it. You're everything to me and I would do anything to stay with you. You can't ask me to live without you again – it's something I just can't do."

Jacob's smile was once again radiant. "I love you so much Bella. I have since I was about ten years old. You've never _not_ been on my mind. It killed me to do what I did, but I didn't see another way out of it." He kept exchanging glances from the road to her, admiring her intense beauty in the moonlight.

"It's okay Jacob. I understand now." She held her hands in her lap. "I'm scared."

His warm hand reached over and covered both hers and squeezed gently. "We'll be okay Bella. We'll think of something once we get out of the danger zone." As if he wanted to prove this point, he pressed down on the gas harder. The car lurched and sped faster on the stretch of highway.

She closed her eyes and was enveloped in the warmth of Jacob's hands in her own. She pulled her thumb out and traced the delicate veins of his hand with it. She was so happy she was with him again and never wanted to leave his side. "Do you remember the night before I left when we were teenagers? You told me that story about those boys and the stars?"

The lines in Jacob's forehead creased as he thought then nodded. "Oh yeah. I remember…why?"

"I always remembered that story because I thought of you as one of those boys…always fighting. I knew you'd protect me and be there for me. You were always my star, Jake."

**Epilogue – Ten years later**

The sun was shining brighter than it had in days. Bella was scurrying around the house in a sad attempt to gather everything before their trip down to First Beach…for the first time in ten years. They never thought it'd happen, but they were now back in the house her husband Jacob called home, right by First Beach.

They moved in a week ago and everything was a blur, but Bella was thrilled to be back.

"Mama! Lookit!" A little girl of four years old skittered into the small kitchen with her bathing suit, flippers, snorkel, and inflatable duck inner tube around her waist. Bella turned to her daughter and laughed joyfully at her little girl.

"Well Billie Charlotte, aren't you ready for the beach!"

She beamed at her. "I'mma showin Daddy!" She ran off in the direction of the garage as Bella watched her go, smiling and putting a hand on her stomach. It was swollen with their second child, a son. Life had turned out beautiful.

Just as she finished the remainder of packing, Jacob entered the house with their daughter on his hip. "She's ready to go!"

Bella laughed and kissed her cheek. "She is! Billie, go wait for us on the porch, okay?"

She nodded as Jacob put her down and she waddled back out the door. Jacob kissed her neck and put his large hands on her stomach, rubbing gently. "How's my boy and lady?"

"A little bit swollen around the ankles, but other than that we're just happy to be home." She looked up and him and beamed, accepting the kiss he tenderly planted on her lips. "Let's go before she busts. She's so excited to go swimming and have you toss her high in the sky like a bird…her exact words."

Jacob grinned and took the basket from her hands and took her hand with the other. The pair of them walked out and collected their daughter and began their walk to First Beach. The ideal spot wasn't far from their home, and the walk was like taking a trip down memory lane.

She never believed that her life would have ended this way, but she couldn't have imagined it differently. She was married to the love of her life in the most literal way, and they had a beautiful daughter with another on the way. She smiled and tilted her head towards the lingering warmth of the sun, soaking it in through every pore in her body.

"I'm happy to be back too," Jacob whispered to her. He must have been watching her when she didn't realize it.

She blushed and they stopped at their favorite spot. Jacob laid out the towels and helped Bella lower onto it.

"Mama! You should come in the water with me and Daddy!" Billie's voice was shrieking with excitement. She kissed her dark brown hair and saw the same Jacob sparkle in her big brown eyes. "Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, it's gonna be so cold mama! Isn't the water cold?"

Bella smiled. "It's definitely going to be cold, but Daddy will keep you warm, I promise."

"Okay mama! Daddy! Let's get goin'!" She shouted and galloped towards the water. She didn't even seem to notice the flippers were making it harder than necessary. Jacob smirked and slipped his shirt off to follow and the sight still made her breath catch. Her husband was so unbelievably beautiful in every way, she couldn't find the words to express it.

"Whatcha looking at?" Jake's smirk was so incredibly cocky.

She leaned back and pulled her sunglasses onto her face. "Oh, I think you know what I'm looking at. This time I'm lucky enough to be able to order off the menu."

Jacob wiggled his butt at her as he ran off after Billie.

She watched the two of them play in the water and she saw just how alike they looked. It felt so good to be relaxed and just enjoy watching two of the three loves of her life play. It took years for Bella to come to terms with what happened with Edward, Alice, and Victoria. She'd written one letter to Alice when they were between states, but she never got a reply back. Instinctively, she knew that her relationship with Alice was behind her.

She'd saved their lives, and that was the last thing she could do, or was willing to do, for them.

Jacob returned with Billie in his arms. "She got a little taste of sea water."

"It tastes yucky!" Billie sniffed and rubbed her eyes. Bella pulled her over and kissed her hair gently. Billie rested against her mother happily and it was Jacob's turn to admire the simple beauty of this vision. He snatched the bucket closest to them and retrieved some water and sand.

"What are you doin' Daddy?" Billie asked, now over her last episode.

He stuck his hand in the bucket and gently swirled the water around. "Billie…do you know how to make a dribble castle?"

Bella couldn't help but grin.


End file.
